Search Results for: School

Treat Yourself: Summer Before School Starts Edition

August 15, 2015 by Marian Leave a Comment

It’s Saturday and I’m in an end-of-summer stupor. Our kids start school next week and, well, it is time. {Says the mom who’s gone all twitchy by this point.}

Togetherness is just the best, except when it’s worn out its welcome. And then some relational and physical space is in order. {Dear Public School, I love you.}

Our family is presently in a time of transition and decision-making and I am a hundred shades of deep thoughts and big feelings. I’m an anxious mess is what I’m saying. We’ll dish more about all this later.

For now, I leave you with a few weekend reads to ease your summer brain into the next season.

Mirrors by Shannan Martin at {in}courage, in which she shares the “sure community of a cold ham sandwich.”

On Thursday I texted my sister paragraph-long texts about some specific parenting challenges and there’s consolation in the knowing of each other’s kids like they’re your own. Also, I shared supper with another mom and her kids this week and felt the sweet swell of gratitude for community, and a little less alone in life’s challenges and transitions.

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Have you seen this loungey sofa / daybed / guest bed made with a full-size mattress, a $50 IKEA slipcover, and whatever spare pillows and linens you have?

I am so doing this you guys.

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Don’t Call Kids “Smart” by James Hamblin, The Atlantic

All three of my kids have wildly different, beautiful brains. For me, this is one of the great joys, challenges, and fascinations of motherhood. We have everything from dyslexia and ADHD to “gifted” all under our one small roof. I’m amazed and disheartened by the ways their intelligence identities become entrenched at such an early age. But I have hope that we can begin talking to our kids in ways that can turn the tide.

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Order Simply Tuesday: Small-Moment Living in a Fast-Moving World between now and August 28th and receive a FREE small group conversation guide. I’ve read Emily’s latest book from cover to cover and I’m keeping it with me as a trusty companion as I wade through the transition of our fall schedule.

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Did you miss my big giveaway I posted on Wednesday? I’ve got 4 copies to hand out and there’s still time. Go check it out.

Savor this late-summer weekend, sweet friends!

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Day 29: You Homeschool. Even if You Don’t.

October 29, 2014 by Marian Leave a Comment

It’s easy to place our educational choice in a tidy box and put a label on it: Homeschool. Public School. Private School. Charter School. University Model School.

It’s also easy to place certain responsibilities within a box too. The school box provides formal education. The church box provides spiritual instruction. The club sport or school sport boxes provide athletics. The job box teaches them how to work.

But our real job as parents encompasses all of the above and it’s anything but a tidy box. Parenting is messy and fluid and the boxes collapse into mixed up pudding. {Terrible metaphor but you guys, it’s Day 29. Show me grace.}

Here’s what I’m trying to say. Education is life. Schooling is simply one slice of the pie.

The complaints and conflict and circumstances your kids bring home from school each day? They’re educational opportunities. Her refusal to do her math work day in and day out? It’s an educational opportunity too. The bad choice he made on social media? The conversations about God that are tinged with doubt? You guessed it. All of that is education because it’s opportunity for you to flesh our truth within the everyday life of your child.In the book, Going Public, David and Kelli Pritchard {parents to eight kids} respond to the frequent question they’ve been asked over the years, Are you into that homeschooling thing?We smile at the question. Then we reply enthusiastically, ‘Yes! We definitely homeschool our children…and starting at age five, we also send them to public school to get more information.’ We consider ourselves to be our children’s number-one educators, and we will never give up that responsibility or privilege — even though they spend 30 hours a week in somebody else’s classroom. We instruct our kids every day. We look for the teachable moments that intersect with what they are experiencing outside our home. We draw frames around their encounters and activities, showing how they fit within God’s greater perspective.

I don’t share this to persuade you toward public school. Remember, this series proclaims grace and freedom, not one way over another way. I share that quote because I agree with its message. We’ve all been given the privilege and responsibility of homeschooling, regardless of where the formal education takes place. You are teaching them around the kitchen table, in the minivan, when you tuck them in at night, and when they get in a fight on the basketball court. This is modern-day Deuteronomy 6:6-7.

And that’s not all. If you send your kids to school, you’ll help with homework. You may proofread a writing assignment that has to do with a sweatshop factory collapse in Burma. And then you may spend the next 30 minutes talking about all the ways we view labor and all the irresponsible culprits and how does this affect us as Americans. This is homeschool too.

Sometimes I struggle to believe this, but we, as parents, are still the greatest influence on our children. If we abandon them, we influence. And if we show up, we influence. How much more do we influence when we can move beyond simply showing up?

I remember when this really hit home for me in the most everyday of circumstances. Last year my daughter and I had a 30 minute ride home in the van, just the two of us. She had just cheered for an away football game and it was at the end of a long day. I was weary. She was weary. Several unplanned inconveniences had presented themselves throughout the day. I was unhappy with a certain attitude being displayed.

And so we talked. Well, first we got a chocolate milkshake and then we talked. Amid the venting and the tears, we covered everything from issues of respect to issues of compassion to issues of time management. This too is homeschool and it far outweighs what they will ever learn in a lab or textbook.

Here’s the thing. It’s not really homeschool or public school or private school that defines us or our kids or determines their future. The homework, the character building, the teachable moments — I just referred to them as “homeschool” but even that’s not an accurate reduction.

This is simply parenting.

And even though parents have been doing this thing for many thousands of years, I am often reduced to tears when I consider the overwhelming responsibility. Yet God has always worked through families, even though we’re prone to both epic and everyday failure. His instructions and promises are for us and our children and for all the generations. He has chosen us, everyday moms and dads, the ones with baggage and cluelessness, to nurture courage and conviction in the next generation.

We don’t do it alone. He puts us in community and He puts us under his care. Most of all, He invites us to learn hard into Him for strength, wisdom, and perseverance.

Maybe you’re in a place of surety and stability with your family and your educational choices right now. Or maybe you’re the opposite of that. Wherever you might be on the map, I invite you to broaden your definition of education. Because when we do, we get less caught up in the particulars of how we school and more inspired to simply teach them in the sacred classroom of the everyday.

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How do you use the springboard of the everyday to teach your kids?

For all the posts in this 31-day series, go here.

For other posts I’ve written on this topic, go here.

I’m linking up with The Nester and her tribe of 31 Dayers.

Don’t want to miss a post in the series? You can subscribe and have each post delivered right to your inbox. As always, you may unsubscribe any time you like. {I promise not to sell your address to pirates, aliens, spammers, or The Gap.}

*book link is an affiliate

Day 27: Why We All Need Our People, No Matter How We Do School

October 27, 2014 by Marian Leave a Comment

Guys. We’re on the last week of the series. {Cue the coffee maker because I’m running on fumes at this point.}

We’re going to spend the next few days looking at a very important piece of the puzzle: community. This is the place where my heart beats strong. I’ve seen the issue of education shut down conversations, cause division in churches, and alienate those in the minority. Self-righteous attitudes pollute the air and poison relationship. This should not be, especially within the context of Christian community.

I’d love to say that I write from a place of blamelessness here. The truth is I’ve harbored my own self-righteous attitudes. I’ve silently judged others and also felt judged by others. In my zeal for the way I was doing school, I’ve overinflated its virtues at the expense of other perfectly valid educational paths. Please, please forgive me.

As human beings, we are so much more alike than we are different.

We are mothers who love our children and want them to thrive.

We are women in need of sisterhood.

We are insecure and desperate for assurance.

We doubt our worth and hunger for affirmation.

We feel alone on our journeys and need fellow travelers.

I truly believe we can all come together, despite our different ways of doing school and the day-in, day-out lifestyle differences we experience as a result. And we’re going to get to that issue later this week.

But first I want to talk about needing our people.

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The way we educate impacts our day to day in a big way. There are stresses for a homeschool mom that a public school or private school mom doesn’t experience and vice versa. Our specific paths and all that goes with us on the journey require specific community. From how to keep a house running while homeschooling to how to navigate our public high-schooler’s schedule, we need the collective wisdom of one another.

When you homeschool, you’re in the minority and you desperately need community and encouragement. It’s hard, it’s still sort of unchartered territory, it’s not “normal.” You need your people. And in some circles or certain churches, public schooling {or private schooling} can place you in the minority. You need community and encouragement too. Because it’s hard in a different way and you need your people.

For the nearly five years we homeschooled, I had my people. Oh I still had plenty of friends and acquaintances who were doing public or private school but for very practical reasons, our lives did not overlap as much. Homeschoolers, diverse though they are, all do that weird thing of not sending their kids to school and I was one of them. Being “weird” is what bonded us all.

Now that we do public school, there’s a whole new set of decisions. There are cultural struggles that discourage me, options that confuse me, and rules that feel silly. There are carpool needs and Wyldlife meetings, cheer meals and fundraising. I’m now bonded with the public-school parents that I didn’t do life with back when we homeschooled.

It’s easy for one group to look at the other group and write them off as cliquish. Especially when they are. {And we’ll get to that dicey issue later.} But what if we looked at them not as “cliquish others” but as moms and kids in need of community. Think of all the ways you need the encouragement and kinship of your specific community, whether homeschool, private, or public school. Why should it be different for anyone else?

Last week I had a meeting at my church and I walked through a sea of kids playing outside and groups of moms in conversation. They belong to a homeschool community that takes classes there two days a week. It was a sweet sight, all of these kids and parents living in encouraging community with one another. It made me smile and feel a bit nostalgic.

If we’re prone to judge something as lovely as that, perhaps it’s time to look deep into the recesses of our own hearts and ask why. We may find insecurity, jealousy, judgmentalism, or loneliness. But we can’t be free from the dark thing that weighs us down and separates us from one another until we look it in the eye and call it out.

Be grateful for your people. Lean on them and learn from them. Encourage and minister to them.

And be grateful that others have their people too. They need them just as much as you need yours.

Remember that our common ground sprawls so much wider than our difference.

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How has your own community been a blessing to you?

For all the posts in this 31-day series, go here.

For other posts I’ve written on this topic, go here.

I’m linking up with The Nester and her tribe of 31 Dayers.

Day 25: Should We Change the Way We Do School? {Part 2} THREE More Questions to Ask.

October 25, 2014 by Marian Leave a Comment

Yesterday’s post offered the first three questions. Today I present the last three. This isn’t an exhaustive list of considerations but it gets us started. In all of these, it’s important to be brutally honest. Our idealistic expectations can blind us to the truth. And while denial and boot-strapped pressing on seem preferable at first thought, it’s not fruitful in the long run.

So here you go. Three more questions to ask if you’re wondering whether to change the way you do school.

4. Is my relationship with my child suffering?

I have one child who would be particularly difficult for me to still homeschool. We butt heads. We’re both independent and always right. Our emotions feed off one another. As a result, I believe homeschooling right now would be detrimental to our relationship.

At the same time, public school isn’t an easy fix. Each of us is prone to detachment and privacy. We naturally put up walls and inhabit separate spheres. That too is detrimental. So I have to be very intentional about finding ways to connect. I’m not always good at it but I’m trying. Right now, we still feel like school is where this one needs to be and that our relationship is better because of it.

My husband reassured me with these wise words three years ago as we made the abrupt and difficult decision to switch from homeschool to public school:

Many people can be their teacher but only you can be their mother.

It’s true. Having time apart and a break from being both mom and teacher have been fruitful for our family relationships. Every family doesn’t need that in every season but we needed it then and it’s still a good thing now.

I’ve known others who needed to bring their kids home, if only for a season, because they were losing them at school and wanted restoration. I greatly admire parents who are willing to do this.

5. Is my child suffering too much?

I’ve already written that hardship can be fertile ground for a brighter future so you know that I’m not about rescuing a kid every time things get hard. But there are certain challenges that etch unnecessary suffering into the tender skin of our children. We won’t always know but when we do know and there’s something we can do to change it, I believe we should.

Maybe it’s bullying or toxic peer relationships that won’t right themselves. Perhaps it’s prolonged academic distress or too much academic stress and the effects are starting to show up in concerning ways. It could be complete and total apathy toward the educational environment that surrounds him. Whatever the reason, finding a fruitful alternative, if only for a season, can breathe security and stability back into them.

6. Am I in crisis?

We all face times of crisis and some of them hit home in more devastating ways than others. Separation, sickness, divorce, death, depression, all kinds of loss — certain crises can swallow us whole and render us useless in areas where we used to have abundance.

In times like these, it’s okay and even necessary to remove every single thing from your plate but the bare minimum. You need to focus on survival and restoration and let me tell you, that’s a full-time job. Emotional stress eventually shows up in exhaustion and physical distress.

It’s okay to simply take a break and do what requires less of you. That looks different for each of us but for me, it meant putting our kids in school. We had a feeling that our kids would probably be okay and believed that even the transitional bumps in the road would be less taxing than continuing to homeschool when I had nothing to give.

When my friend suddenly lost her husband several years ago, she actually kept homeschooling — albeit with a long break — because this had been their lifestyle for over twenty years. Her kids had already lost their father without warning. Continuing with what they knew provided comfort and familiarity in the midst of a world turned upside down.

Currently I have a friend who’s transitioning some of hers from homeschool into public school but keeping others at home. Life has recently dealt some tough blows and they’re trying to be strategic about lightening the homeschooling load so that they can focus on these bigger issues.

See? There’s no formula. Each family has its own variables. But all of us must adjust in some way when crisis hits. Often this can affect our educational choices. God doesn’t write any two stories the same but that doesn’t mean we can’t find take-to-heart truth in each and every one of them. Humanity and redemption stitch us all together like that.

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While I believe in being sensitive to the needs of our children and not simply throwing them to the wolves, they are more resilient than we think. We do them a disservice with over-protection and too much sheltering.

It’s good for them to learn, early on, that hard things visit all of us and that life isn’t perfect. We make concessions and adjustments because sometimes the real trumps the ideal.

I remember having the tough conversation with our own children several nights before they started public school. We were honest. We told them I needed a break and lots of rest because it had been a hard year. It seemed a bit invasive to be so honest with their young minds and emotions but who was I kidding? They knew it had been a hard year because they had lived through it too.

Let’s be honest. With ourselves. With our spouse. With our children. And with the life we’re currently living.

There isn’t a formula but there are important factors worthy of our consideration. When I first began writing about this topic, I got comments and e-mails from those I knew and those I didn’t. They told me their stories and I heard a familiar refrain:

There’s plenty of support for starting your educational journey a certain way but there’s no support when you decide that’s no longer the path you can stay on.

It can be a lonely road to leave the familiar behind. It was for me. But you’re not alone. I’m only one voice but I’ve been there and I generously extend my permission and support. Picture me with a megaphone, cheering you on.

It’s why I’m writing this series — for you, the ones who are in a place of indecision or insecurity. You’re not alone and you’re more equipped to make wise decisions than you think.

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These last two posts have been longer than my usual word count for this series. Tomorrow will be the last Sunday post in the series on finding rest. I promise short and sweet.

How sure do you feel in your educational choices for your family? Have you ever switched paths and if so, what have you learned?

For all the posts in this 31-day series, go here.

I’m linking up with The Nester and her tribe of 31 Dayers.

Day 24: Should We Change the Way We School? {Part 1} THREE Questions to Ask.

October 24, 2014 by Marian Leave a Comment

As one who barely has enough confidence in her own decisions, I tremble at the very thought of this post. Who am I to tell you whether you should consider a change in your educational path?

Not an expert, that’s who.

But as one who clung tightly to a beautiful vision of homeschooling for nearly five years and then did the unthinkable by plopping my children down in public school, I’ve learned a thing or two. Along the way, I’ve talked with others who have struggled with the same issues and certain commonalities emerge.

And so I simply share what I’ve learned, personally and collectively, along this journey. Here you go, three questions to ask yourself. {I’ll offer three more tomorrow.} Only you can interpret and apply the answers. I’m just here to get you thinking in a fresh and honest direction.

1. Am I breaking down?

I can’t provide a clinical assessment. But ask yourself, your spouse, those closest to you — Is this taking too much out of me? If you homeschool, has drudgery replaced delight? Are your days marked by complete exhaustion? Are you depressed? Do you feel like you’re operating at about 20% capacity? If you’re kids are in school somewhere else, are there particular stresses that are consuming an inordinate amount of your physical and emotional energy and it’s showing up — inwardly and outwardly? If you answered yes to any of these, take some time to think, pray, and discuss the situation {and options} with your spouse.

2. Is my marriage suffering because of this?

Mine was. And that’s why I’m putting it out there. For me, homeschooling took so much out of me, there was little to no energy and resolve left for my marriage. There were other variables too. My husband worked all day and two to three nights a week during those years; the backdrop of our life was worn and threadbare. But when margin in your life is already thin and a crisis comes along, you’re left with deficit everywhere you look. Marriage can bear the heaviest burden.

Though the alternatives for your children may be less than ideal in your mind, if your marriage is teetering on the edge, it’s time to make first things first. This might sound impossible. I hear you. But take a step back and consider the alternatives: a broken family, devastated children, the practical and emotional baggage of a marriage on the rocks or busted up altogether. I don’t write these things to throw guilt around if this is your story. There is always redemption. I write these things because I’ve lived these realities. My marriage is here and my family intact by the grace of God alone.

I know this is heavy talk for a nice little series on educational choices. But none of our decisions happen within a vacuum. One part of life affects another part of life and always we must consider this.

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These first two questions deal with non-negotiable issues: your physical, mental, emotional health and your marriage. Call me harsh but your kids and their education don’t trump these. Here’s the last question for today.

3. Is life off-balance? For you, your child, or your family.

Homeschool, public school, and private school — there are specific ways each of these options can monopolize our time and energy to the point that balance is non-existent. Maybe the commute has taken its toll. Maybe the full-time mom + full-time teacher gig has taken over your sanity. Maybe the long school day + homework + after-school sports mean that you are never ever together as a family and that your child is exhausted. Maybe your finances are margin-less because of tuition and this affects everything else.

There are legit seasons of sacrifice and busy-ness. This is real life as a family. And as our kids get older and pursue their own endeavors — even when we impose limits — there’s still more on the calendar and less time together. Life gets a whole lot pricier too. These are normal expectations. But sometimes things heat up so gradually that we fail to notice the water is boiling and it’s time to get out. Quick. This is the off-balance I’m referring to.

Once again, take a giant step back. Remember your core values and priorities as a family. Consider the wholeness of each person and your wholeness as a family. Be brave and make the fruitful decisions that feel too hard, even if it feels like you’re the only family.

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Tomorrow we’ll continue this conversation with three more questions.

Have you switched educational paths with your own children? If so, what have you learned?

For all the posts in this 31-day series, go here.

I’m linking up with The Nester and her tribe of 31 Dayers.

Day 23: 5 Ways to Take Care of Yourself During a Difficult Season of School & Life

October 23, 2014 by Marian Leave a Comment

Yesterday I wrote about the bossy-ness of difficult days and how a string of them can lead us to doubt, despair, and rash decisions.

Today I offer practical tips toward taking care of yourself as your persevere along your educational path during draining seasons. Maybe you’re adjusting to life with a recently diagnosed learning disability. Or you’re mired in the negativity and angst known as middle school. Perhaps you’re teaching multiple ages at home with a baby in tow or dealing with personal crisis as your manage your kids’ education.

Real life happens. And it’s important to take care of ourselves when our “normal” veers off onto a path that’s much more wearisome.

Do not confuse this with advice to “stay the course no matter what.” My own story doesn’t testify to that approach. But I did have days turned weeks of tough days as a homeschool mom and I experience them now as a public school mom too. That’s because there’s no perfect, problem-free way of doing school. Each approach has its vulnerabilities and every family throws its own variables into the mix.

While each day brings its own stress, there are times when it feels like we can’t get a break. I’m talking about those times. As I wrote yesterday,

Sometimes just one of these stressors hangs around day after day after day. And other times it’s a perfect storm of all the bad things, all at once. Negativity can wrap itself around you until you’re swaddled in a blanket of doubt and failure. You imagine that no one else is flailing and failing like you are.

Whether your kids do school at home or in a private or public school, here are ideas for sustainability during draining times.

1. Fight for rest.

Some of you are laughing already. Marian, you’ve got to be kidding me. There is no room for rest in my life, sister. You don’t know my circumstances. You’re right. I don’t. But I do know that there are ways to lighten your load. Takeout for dinner. Getting a babysitter so you can have a nap or have a Venti cup of reassurance from Starbucks. {Extra whip. Full fat.} Getting help with the housework — from your spouse, from your kids, from a professional. Or all of the above. {Yes please.}

2. Lower your standards.

It’s hard, but you may have to let go of certain expectations for a season. You can choose grace and rest or resentment and anxiety. Sometimes this means allowing your kids more screen time than you “should” for the sake of your own mental health and ability to care for them. It might mean choosing to be okay with undone laundry, a messy house, and convenience foods. Perhaps it means you stop obsessing about their grades and performance, especially if it’s only causing you stress. Always it means real prioritization and acceptance. Which brings us to the next point.

3. Prioritize. Prioritize. And repeat.

Every season won’t be like this one, whether it’s a 5-week window or a 5-year window. There are certain non-negotiables, though the world around you screams that everything is important and also that you’re indispensable. It’s not and you’re not. You are finite. Your years with your kids in this stage is not forever. Your life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.

Put all of this together and what do you have? The permission and courage to say no and to ruthlessly prune the extras in your life that are only adding to your stress. It might mean you let go of their music lessons or sport for a time. You may disappoint your kids, yourself, and others by saying no for now. {Not forever.} Just last week I did this and it hurt a little. It’s not easy in the short-run, but it’s fruitful in the long-run.

4. Find perspective.

A wise friend who understands. Your spouse. Prayer and time alone. A counselor. An episode of Hoarders.

Left to ourselves, we’ll suffocate under the load and subjectivity of a draining season. We’ll imagine we’re the only ones struggling in this way. We’ll sink into a pit of shame and discouragement. Let truth and community pull you out and pour you a cup of coffee instead.

A couple of years ago I was in the trenches of exhaustion and emotional recovery. I had a weekly date with a wise and older friend and she poured life-giving Gospel truth into my soul week after week. It was a means of grace, one that kept me out of the pit and moving forward.

5. Compensate.

This is really an umbrella for all the other points. If it looks like things may remain difficult for an extended time, adjust your life accordingly. I can’t say what that will look like for you but we can’t run on adrenaline forever. We’re not machines, we’re people. And we need to care for ourselves and our primary relationships in ways that are wise and gentle.

You might think this is too complicated and indulgent. But I’m not talking about days at the spa or hiring a cook and a nanny. {Full disclosure: I long for all of the above.} I’m talking about real-life ways that we can make it through tough times with intention, strength, and realistic expectations. It’s possible. But you have to start thinking outside the box of your own idealism. If this feels impossible, enlist your spouse, a counselor, or a close and honest friend — people who will tell you the truth and have your best interests in mind.

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Friday and Saturday we’ll talk about a complicated subject : Switching educational paths. How do we know when it’s a valid consideration?

What are some ways you’ve learned to compensate and care for yourself and your family during difficult seasons?

For all the posts in this 31-day series, go here.

I’m linking up with The Nester and her tribe of 31 Dayers.

Day 13: TWO simple ways to do school {and life} on purpose.

October 13, 2014 by Marian Leave a Comment

Yesterday I talked about resting wherever you are. “Rest” is a really a state of mind, a state of peace, trust, and gratitude even when circumstances aren’t the way you want them to look.

Today is a continuation of that message. So often with decisions about school, our mind and anxious energy gets fixated on the future at the expense of the opportunities just waiting for us today. I’d like to offer two simple ways to be more purposeful right where you are.

1. Appreciate what you have.

If you’re homeschooling right now, appreciate that it’s time together. Be grateful for the flexibility. Appreciating the unique gifts of learning together at home can boost your spirits in the rough moments. Take advantage of what your day can look like precisely because you homeschool and don’t feel guilty about it.

If you send your kids to private or public school, appreciate that you’re not shouldering all of the burden of your kids’ education. Be grateful for the other teachers in your kids’ lives. They’re a gift and a help. Celebrate the space that you get from your dear children — to rest or to work or to focus on your younger children — especially if it allows all of you to come back together again a bit more ready for relationship or provides the luxury of using the bathroom without an audience.

2. Be mindful of what you don’t have and live accordingly.

If you’re homeschooling, chances are there’s not much time for just you and your thoughts to peacefully hang out, especially if there’s a little one at your feet eating a Cheez-It they found under the hutch from two years ago while a big kid asks question about the existence of God when she’s supposed to be focused on math worksheets and the middle kid has snuck out the door to play golf in the backyard while still wearing his pajamas.

We all have different needs, different “sanity savers” that keep us afloat. Maybe it’s a nap, time with a good book, or the opportunity to go to the grocery alone with an extra hour built in for Starbucks or the thrift store. When you’re homeschooling on purpose, you have to maintain your sanity on purpose too. Being mindful of this, doing whatever it takes to renew yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually — it’s non-negotiable.

If you send your kids to school, you may have flexible time during school hours or perhaps that’s when you go to your job. What you don’t have is a leisurely late afternoon or evening. You’re supervising homework, feeding people, and probably getting them to and from activities. This is what our current life looks like. And I have “sanity savers” that keep me afloat during this season too. Savers like my calendar, knowing what we’re doing for dinner ahead of time, and getting all of my work done {that requires the best of my brain} while they’re at school.

So much of this boils down to managing your time, energy, and needs in a way that keeps you somewhat balanced. To do this, you have to know yourself and your family in a way that’s honest and realistic, not wishful and idealistic. You also recognize that each decision carries with it certain assets and liabilities. Acknowledge the gifts that come with each option — like flexibility and time with little ones. But also acknowledge what each option doesn’t have — like time for recharging and clean toddler snacks.

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Don’t miss out on the life-giving renewal you need because you’ve failed to recognize what you don’t have and continue to live in a place of deprivation. You can live with intention wherever you are. It’ll still be messy and it’s not an exact science. Be there is such possibility when we do the life we’ve been given with purpose instead of passivity.

There’s no best way for everyone. But there is the place where you and your family sit right now. It may not be where you sit next year or even next month but it’s your place for today. Make the most of it. See the gifts and enjoy them to their fullest. And accept what you don’t have so that you can care for yourself and others in a way that’s sustainable.

What’s one of the ways you do life on purpose?

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For all the posts in this 31-day series, go here. And to read the other posts I’ve written on topic of schooling, you can go here and find them all in one place.

I’m linking up with The Nester and her tribe of 31 Dayers.

Don’t want to miss a post in the series? You can subscribe and have each post delivered right to your inbox. As always, you may unsubscribe any time you like. I promise not to sell your address to pirates, aliens, spammers, or The Gap.

Day 9: How Their Budding Interests Can Bloom No Matter How You Do School

October 9, 2014 by Marian Leave a Comment

Yesterday we stopped at the public library on the way home from school. I’ve got one child who consumes books like an Olympic athlete consumes calories. I’ve got another kid who’s an extremely selective, reluctant reader and will only read when it’s 100% engaging. Not everything reads like Harry Potter, I try to explain. But it falls on deaf ears. A third child is suddenly obsessed with all things Titanic. And because this child is also a reluctant reader, I try hard to fuel the awesomeness of books.

We get home and I pile on the sofa with the Titanic mini-expert and we learn all sorts of things, from the animals aboard to the fact that it had a swimming pool. I’m not an information book kind of mom but I’ve got this child who eats it up and his interests matter. I don’t know how his knack for details will play itself out in real life but I know that his uniqueness matters. As his mom, I want to nurture what’s already there.

This was one of the reasons we homeschooled. I’m passionate about people’s passions. I’m fascinated by the ways our personalities and gifts intersect with the world around us. I used to lead college freshmen through these very issues. I chose reading assignments, discussion prompts, and personality inventories that helped these not-quite-adult / not-still-kids gather information about how they’re wired. I loved guiding them down the path of self-discovery and opportunity.

And I longed to do the same for my own kids. Homeschooling, with its flexibility, endless options, and time for really specific interests, seemed like the perfect way to do that. Our oldest son always finished his work quickly and then played golf for hours in the backyard. Our daughter made art and jewelry and wrote plays. The littlest one emptied the contents of the bathroom drawers into the toilets. It was a lovely, messy, drippy season of togetherness and discovery.

Once they began public school, I worried that our days would be too scripted. I feared that because we wouldn’t have as much flexibility and free time, their interests would fizzle out. As it turned out I had nothing to fear. Though our days look different, their interests are alive and well. We simply cultivate them a bit differently these days.

Cultivation happens in all sorts of real and normal ways. You don’t have to manufacture it. You simply have to allow room for it. For example, the public library is still one of our favorite stops. We’re steeped in books just as much now as when we homeschooled. All three kids love athletics but we don’t let them overtake our schedule. Summer has proven to be a fine time to try things out and let interests float up to the service. Our daughter found her “sport” through public school and can’t imagine life without cheer stunts and pom-poms. When not playing rec league basketball or flag football, our boys love turning our home into an America Ninja Warrior course, building with Legos, and memorizing raps. {I never said we were high culture.} Novels and books about outer space are strewn across the living room.

But don’t think too highly of us. There’s plenty of Minecraft and Clash of Clans going on around here too. And in all of these real and simple endeavors, I learn more about who they are. And who they’re not.

Yes, life is full and our schedule is much more mandated. But that doesn’t mean it’s entirely scripted. No matter how we school, we can choose to say yes to margin and family and no to lesser things that fill up our calendars but diminish our creative space.

If he always wants to help in the kitchen, let him cook and watch the Food Network. If she’s always making up songs, grab a notebook and maybe some music lessons. If he rushes through math so he can get to backyard golf every single day, take him to the Par 3 on Saturday mornings. For the love, leave room in your days for discovery and noticing. This is where the magic happens.

While some school options may specifically cater to certain gifts and abilities, your child’s passions are there and waiting to be noticed no matter how you school. Start paying attention and share with them you what you discover. From the easy way he makes others feel welcome to the fashion magic she can create out of the everyday clothes in her closet — let their gifts be your guide.

It’s easy for the regular kid to feel like they’ve got nothing to offer in an American culture that seems to specialize in kids who specialize. Our children need to see the beauty and possibility that’s within each one of them, not for the sake of self-esteem, but to remind them that they are God’s workmanship, created to do good works and to step out into the world in uniquely personal ways.

As parents, we get to help them navigate these years with the vision and confidence they’re still growing into.

It’s a pretty sweet gig.

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What have been some of your kids’ most surprising passions?

For all the posts in this 31-day series, go here. And to read the other posts I’ve written on topic of schooling, you can go here and find them all in one place.

I’m linking up with The Nester and her tribe of 31 Dayers.

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Don’t want to miss a post in the series? You can subscribe and have each post delivered right to your inbox. As always, you may unsubscribe any time you like. I promise not to sell your address to pirates, aliens, spammers, or The Gap.

Cool About School: 31 Days

Cool About School: 31 Daily Doses of Encouragement in Our Educational Choices

October 1, 2014 by Marian 7 Comments

{To see all the posts in the Cool About School 31 Day series, go here.}

Do you personally struggle with indecision and insecurity over the educational choices for your family? Are you seeking real-life insight for the future? Could you use a daily dose of hope and perspective, whatever educational path you may be traveling this season?

This series of 31 encouraging “mini posts” hopes to provide the grace and encouragement you need, whether you homeschool, private school, or public school.

There are many voices, many camps, many either / or places to land on this issue of school but they tend toward mutual exclusivity. Though there’s specific support and enthusiastic rallying for each and every educational option, there seems to be a vacuum on the topic of freedom and grace for parents struggling to know which road to travel or lacking confidence in the decisions they’ve made about school.

Whether newbie parent or veteran mom, how might we begin thinking differently about this issue of education before making decisions?
How can we call out the fear that bosses us around?
How do we know when our ideals have morphed into idols?
How can we educate our children one way but still be open to other ways — either for our family later on or for those who have chosen to do things differently?
How might we respond with grace when we feel judged for our personal choices?
How can we stop silently judging others?
How can we forge true community across the educational lines that so easily divide us?
How can we stop stress-eating oatmeal creme pies behind the sofa when we’re supposed to be doing homeschool math lesson? Or helping our middle schooler with algebra homework that we don’t understand because algebra is math with letters in it and why would anyone invent that?

Anyhow.

Resources and movements abound. But most of them espouse one option over another option. That’s normal. We certainly need specific support for our specific paths.

But I’d like to be among the voices who say, There’s no wrong. But there is wisdom for your personal journey and freedom no matter which path you choose. This isn’t about our perfect decision-making and it’s not about the perfection of the parents, teachers, and institutions that teach our children. Put down the box of Little Debbies. It’s going to be okay.

I want to let you in on a little secret that can lead you to big freedom:

I’m no expert. I’m just a mom who’s homeschooled and then public-schooled and experienced a lifetime’s worth of anxiety and indecision about the whole thing. We’ve had great success and messy failure and everything in between.

On my first child’s first day of school, I faked a smile as I walked her in and then cried the whole way to my full-time job. The next year I found myself as a stay-at-home mom, homeschooling my two big kids while nursing a baby.

I’ve peeled math pages from the kitchen floor christened with apple juice and stared in disbelief as I witnessed our puppy actually eating the homework. I cried during that first school season when I had to send them to school and cried in later seasons because I felt desperate for a big yellow bus to whisk them away for 7 hours.

Three years ago I thought we might homeschool for the long haul. Three months later my kids started public school. Last Friday I found myself in the canteen of the public middle school as one of the cheer-mom organizers for the dance.

It’s been quite a journey.

The next 31 days will hold out the hope and encouragement I wish someone had written for me fourteen years ago when I was an expectant new mom. And eight years ago when my oldest started school. And seven years ago when we decided to homeschool. And almost three years ago when we put our kids in public school. And two years ago when my daughter started middle school. And one year ago when my baby started kindergarten.

I don’t think we ever stop needing steady doses of hope and perspective when it comes to our families.

If you’re stuck in your own place of insecurity and indecision {or you know someone who is}, will you join me for 31 days of encouragement for the many ways we do school? I won’t overwhelm your brain with too much to consider for each day. Each post will be 500-ish words. But I pray that the 31 days’ cumulative effect helps set you on the path of freedom and grace in your own educational decisions.

{Click here for Day 2.}

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I welcome your questions and comments. What would you like to see in these 31 posts?

To read the other posts I’ve written on this topic, you can go here and find them all in one place. This series of 31 encouraging “mini posts” for the month of October will be different than the lengthier posts I’ve written in the past.

Oh and I’m linking up with The Nester and her tribe of 31 Dayers here.

{To see all the posts in the Cool About School 31 Day series, go here.}

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Don’t want to miss a post in the series? You can subscribe and have each bite-sized post delivered right to your inbox. As always, you may unsubscribe any time you like. I promise not to sell your address to pirates, aliens, spammers, or The Gap.