Prioritizing emotional regulation for the sake of my relationships.
It’s a weird thing to be proud of, right? The truth is, I’m not naturally steady. I’m anxious. An over-thinker. An over-feeler. I’m reactive instead of responsive.
These characteristics do not lend themselves to emotional regulation, nor are they helpful in relationships, particularly as a spouse and parent.
In my earlier years as a mother, I snapped a lot. Yelling and harsh words were commonplace. Instead of responding with self-control when the kids caused me stress, I reacted out of anger and not being in control. I felt powerless to change.
But I have changed, over time. I haven’t “arrived,” not by a long shot, but I no longer feel powerless. I can’t pinpoint a moment when it began. I don’t have a program, book, or guru. There are only 4 simple things I can tell you:
1. I began to put myself in the position of the other person. Would I want to be talked to this way? Am I treating this person with respect and kindness? What do they need from me right now?
2. I began practicing being responsive instead of reactive. The brain is adaptive. If you’re used to snapping, your brain’s neural pathways are trained to snap because it takes the path of least resistance. But the more you practice not snapping, the easier it gets. You create new neural pathways. It’s kind of a miracle.
3. I began paying attention to what makes me emotionally dysregulated: letting my blood sugar get low, too much caffeine, sugar (Why, Lord? 😫), having too many responsibilities at once.
4. I began paying attention to things that fostered emotional regulation: moving my body, rest, avoiding unnecessary stress, staying connected to God through his Word and prayer.
As a Christian, I believe these everyday practices are God’s grace in my life. But I also believe that paying attention and cultivating change are available to all of us.
Though I am an open person, this post feels uncomfortable because I want to be seen as a picture of serenity. But I also know I’m not alone, and this feels like a good opportunity to extend hope to someone who needs it.❤️
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This post is part of a series on Instagram, #OneDayMay, hosted by @laura.tremaine.
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