{Day 20} Real Home: Double-Duty

My sofa, which doubles as a child-swallowing fort.

Back in the early days of my blog, I did a lot more posts on decorating and home stuff. I love all things home. I always have. And while I still think a lot about decorating and design, I don’t write as passionately about house stuff as I do about heart stuff.

But that doesn’t stop me from dishing every now and then about our home.

I’ve already talked about my real house and the usual state of affairs here so any pictures you see are likely to be lone vignettes in a sea of chaos. Just keep that in mind.

When you’re trying to live large in a small space, it’s important that pieces can do double-duty.

Our TV console-thingy is actually two bookcases pushed together.

The bookcases hold our history and science books and because it sits in the middle of the living area, the books are easily accessible to the kids.

The bookcases used to be our nightstands…

I look forward to reclaiming them as such once we get something from IKEA for the TV. But until then, these bookcases / former nightstands {from Wal-Mart} do the job just fine.

My rehabbed hutch does double-duty for our homeschool and craft supplies.

Baskets are miracle-workers in my house. I realized I have them everywhere. They hide junky stuff like cords, batteries, and flashlights.

They’re perfect for magazines,

toddler books,

and library books.

Baskets keep me semi-organized and bring lovely organic texture to a space. Most of mine came from thrift stores or Big Lots.

This is our homeschool desk. I’ve written about it before and though it’s purpose is school, it’s also my laundry-folding table and craft table. When we’ve had guests, we just pulled the tables away from the wall and voila, an extra place to eat or a buffet. It’s totally multi-purpose.

The desk is actually two table tops from IKEA pushed together. They are $5.99 each. The legs are $4 each and I splurged on the shelves that hold our books.

As we acquire new pieces or replace things, I want to look for items that are multi-functional.

But let’s not get carried away.

There are some things that should never do double-duty.

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{Day 19} Real Home: Living Large in a Small Space

We have a lovely home. I’m so thankful for it. We bought it new nearly 6 years ago and it’s the only house we’ve ever owned. The main living space showcases tons of natural light and high ceilings. Our bedrooms are plenty big and we’ve all got ample closets.

I have a giant bath tub and our bathroom has two sinks. We have a garage and plenty of storage. The driveway is flat and therefore perfect for bikes and scooters. What’s more, we have a huge, empty backyard that’s big enough for my golf-loving son to practice his sport.

But…

Our home is sort of small. Now I know that house size is entirely relative. If we lived in Shanghai or New York, it would be a mansion. For many, many people, it would be a large home. By American standards, I honestly don’t know. It’s a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house and about 1300-ish square feet.

I think it would feel less small if I didn’t homeschool and we weren’t here all day. Perhaps it would also feel less small if I was less of a borderline introvert {something I’ve only realized in recent years.} Frequently I long to escape to a quiet space where no one talks or asks questions.

There are no dividing walls in the kitchen / dining space / living room / school area / foyer.

It’s like open gym all the time.

While this makes the space feel large and airy, after 6 years and 3 growing kids, I am sort of missing walls and boundaries.

Above our living space is a nearly 300 square foot bonus room and a small office. It has stairs to get there and everything. It’s one of the reasons we bought this home: room to grow. And though our family has grown, our budget has not. So the bonus room sits there gathering cobwebs, mocking me with its spacious unfinishedness.

From time to time, I pray that God will give me that finished bonus room but He’s teaching me to be grateful for what I have.

Though I’m not naturally a look-on-the-bright-side kind of girl, things like unfinished rooms are making me one. Some time ago I began to think about the ways in which a smaller space has been a blessing. And if you’re trying to live large in a small space, maybe you can use this too.

Togetherness. We can think of it as “cramped” or we can consider it “cozy.” I’ve been in large, gorgeous homes that felt cavernous, homes that boasted space but didn’t seem to burst with life. {I’ve been in large, gorgeous homes that are welcoming and warm as well. Don’t want to hate on the large houses}.

But if I had to choose between the lifeless large and the bursting-with-life small, I’d choose the latter. Any day.

Though we’re constantly rubbing shoulders {literally}, close quarters are all my kids know. Each of them have shared or are currently sharing a room with a sibling. My daughter begged for her own room but when she finally got it, she was lonely as could be.

I complain about our house feeling small, but they never have and never do. Not once. In fact, they randomly tell me that they love our house and think it’s pretty.

Maybe I need to take more cues from them.

The Great Outdoors. Because mama needs some quiet by late afternoon, I send them outside. Seriously, I give them no choice. If we had a bigger house, maybe they’d play outside less. Our climate is a mild one so we’re blessed to have playable weather many months of the year; I simply consider the yard and driveway our extra square footage.

Creative Spaces. For two days in a row my sons have played Legos on the 3 x 3 foot front porch. It’s shady and covered.

They’ve been known to play board games and all sorts of things on the front porch with one another and with the neighbor kids. I’d sort of gotten used to it until guests stopped by yesterday and literally had to step over tiny cities and battleships. I was a bit embarrassed. And it made me realize that this is probably not a normal place for kids to play Legos. But it is creative and that makes me smile.

Our porch, driveway, and deck are almost always littered with evidence of play. To the neighbors, it probably looks like we’re always gearing up for a yard sale. {Hi neighbors!}

Less Stuff. If you accumulate too much stuff in a small space, you’re on your way to Hoarders fast. And though I love the show, I don’t want to be on the show. We are constantly cleaning out and purging around here. I’ve decided that having less is liberating.

I still want that bonus room but if it never happens, we’ll be just fine. Because the older I get, the more I realize that home is not about more space and nicer stuff. It’s about living real life together to the fullest: the messy, the glorious, the celebratory and the small.

You can’t put walls around any of that.

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I did my first post about Real Home 4 days ago but took a detour and talked about rest instead. Now I’m picking back up with thoughts about home. Join me?

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{Day 18} Real Rest: A Practice

Yesterday I talked about reasons for rest. It’s crazy that we actually need persuading to do something so necessary. It’s akin to giving a list of reasons for why we should eat. It should be obvious right? But it’s not.

As I mentioned, rest is a discipline for me. It’s not something that naturally comes easily. Maybe you’ve decided that you’ll rest when your kids leave home or when you finally die. But really, I’d prefer not to live my precious days feeling cranky, stressed, or zombie-like.

Again, the practices I mention here aren’t the only or best ways to find rest. Well, sleep is a non-negotiable but other than that, it will take some thinking and seeking on your part. But I’ve found that God is so faithful to lead and shepherd His own. He created rest. He is our rest. He longs for us to rest.

With that said, these are some of the ways He has led my family and me to practice rest. I have to confess that some of these are sort of personal and I feel odd sharing things like where I pray. But for the sake of real and for the sake of rest, I share anyway.

Sleep. Pure and simple. Do whatever it takes to get enough. If you’re a stay-at-home mom and you’re tired in the afternoon, take a nap. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY for taking a nap or reading a book. You need it. You’ll be a better wife and mom.

I know that the “should be’s” will still be there when you get up but you’ll have a different perspective towards all of it and hopefully have a renewed sense of energy.

At the very least, lean back, rest your eyes, and chill. out. Trust me, it’s a good idea and somehow it helps.

The Word. I know what you may be thinking and I know how hard it is to find the time to be in the Word consistently. Especially if you have little ones who get up at 0-Dark-Thirty.

It doesn’t look the same for me every day. Some mornings present perfect conditions. I enjoy an early-morning run and return while the house is still asleep. I grab my Bible, my journal, and Jesus Calling. It’s a beautiful start to the day.

But for every morning like the one I just described, there are probably two or three when I’m not able to run and am instead startled awake by a hungry 3-year-old who has peed through his pajamas and wanted breakfast five minutes ago.

The day begins abruptly. I’m not nice. It takes peeling myself away from the seemingly important at some point during that harshly-begun day to renew my focus. But if I don’t {and too often I don’t} I’m running on empty all day long.

When I’m tempted to think that reading my Bible is perfunctory and therefore either dutiful or optional, I’m reminded of this verse: Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'”

The Word is life. Without it, I’m dying. Time in the Word infuses life and helps my soul find rest.

My Van. If I run errands and I’m alone in my van, I pray. I know it may sound like I am trying to be crazy-righteous. But really, when you rarely have a moment alone, you are desperate. Several years ago I started praying in my van. Out loud.

I felt a bit silly talking out loud when there was no one else in the car. Now it feels mostly normal. It’s a sweet time for me. My minivan is like a cathedral on wheels. God has used my prayin’-in-the-van time in some powerful ways. And when I come home, I feel as if I’ve had a little spiritual retreat. If you’re really desperate, go climb in that van while it’s still parked in the garage. It will take the kids a while to find you.

Margin. I used to be a chronic over-scheduler. No more. I weigh every commitment, every yes, very, very carefully. It’s hard to say no to things you can sort of do well.

Sometimes I miss those things but I find I enjoy life as a whole so much more when there’s some margin. We need space to think, breathe, create. It’s harder to do these things when we’re rushing from one commitment or duty to the next.

Typically we only schedule one thing on the weekend {if any}. One. I get that life may not offer that luxury to you. You may have kids in soccer tournaments or gymnastic meets. I’ve realized that it won’t always be this simple for us. So far none of our kids seem like prodigies in any sport so we haven’t had to make tough decisions about traveling baseball or club soccer.

We just don’t want to model a life of crazy for our children and we’ve decided that simple is best for us. Our kids may not be as well-rounded in arts or athletics but we feel there’s still time for all of that as they get older. We want to keep a slowish pace as long as we can.

A Break from the Routine. Change. It. Up. Routines are comforting but they can eventually become taxing, day in and day out. We’ve started taking more field trips as family. I try to surprise the kids with an impromptu day off to run in the park. I don’t know why but mixing it up and taking a break breathes life back into all of us.

Corporate Worship. Worship centers me. That’s all there is to it. It’s hard for me to explain the utter lifted-up-ness I feel from the singing, teaching, corporate confession, fellowship, and sacraments. Gathering together with other broken and needy believers, worshipping our Creator, celebrating what He’s done for us–it strengthens and renews me every week.

Mommy Time-Out Days. Day after day of spinning homeschool plates while trying to keep up with everything else? Eventually I’m sweeping up shards and getting the shakes. This year I’ve resolved to take a day off when I feel the shakes coming on. I took one today. I got caught up on other stuff and enjoyed a bit of rest. My kids enjoyed playing all day.

Resting when you can’t rest? Your life may not look like mine. Or it may look like mine used to. Maybe you work full-time or you’re in that season of feeling more like a taxi driver than a mom who can rest while her kids are napping or watching a movie. Perhaps you are so burned out, so ridiculously exhausted and you don’t see how in the world you’ll make rest a priority.

Jesus is with you anyway. He wants to carry your burdens. Handing them over is the way of rest. As for the physical rest you crave and need, ask Him to provide. Ask Him to show you. In the process, you may end up reevaluating and reprioritizing some things.

After reading this here lengthy post, you may well be ready for a nap. Go take one. You have my permission.

So what about you? How do you find rest?

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{Day 17} Real Rest: A Reason

When I wrote Saturday’s post, I’d plan to start a few days on Real Home. But then yesterday I wrote about rest and I’m still thinking a lot about it.

I know it’s Monday and you may be feeling inspired to accomplish and not so inspired to ruminate about this idea of rest. But perhaps it’s best to think about rest during those times when we don’t feel like we need it.

For me, rest is a discipline. And disciplines are not easy to cultivate.

All my life I’ve operated from a place of work, work, work, crash.

Because I’d been on an academic calendar until 4 years ago, life sort of followed suit. You work like mad during the semester and live for breaks. Breaks were rarely times of pure rest; they were times of visiting family, taking trips, doing fun things. And while I loved all of that and maybe caught up on some sleep in the process, I never really caught up. I doubt that I ever entered back in to work fully rested.

When I decided to stop working outside the home, I actually missed that work / crash sort of existence. Breaks were something that felt like a reward, a week-long or month-long pat on the back for working like a dog. I enjoyed my breaks because I felt like I’d earned them.

My first few holidays after becoming a stay-at-home mom felt odd. In a twisted way, I felt guilty for having a celebratory break because I hadn’t been working like mad beforehand. Breaks were not a crash pad as they had been for so many years past; they were simply a change of pace and scenery.

God has changed my approach to work and rest over the last couple of years. When I think about rest, I think of it in a spiritual and a physical sense. And really, you can’t separate the two.

Ten years ago my husband and I met with our pastor several times because I was going through a real crisis of faith. I was struggling with issues of fear and unbelief and we desperately needed counsel and encouragement.

The first question he asked absolutely floored me: How much sleep are you getting?

What a random question, I thought. What does that have to do with unbelief?

As it turns out, quite a lot. I was getting very little sleep at the time. I had an 8-month-old baby who never slept and I was still a full-time graduate student and teaching assistant.

Our pastor told us that we are more prone to spiritual attack when our defenses are down. Rest is not optional; it is imperative. He shared stories about his own life and how this had been true for him.

It got my attention in a big way. And while a real, concentrated effort toward rest has been a slow-to-grow thing for me, I’m finally starting to get it.

Last night a friend of mine at church asked me how I create rest in my life. Honestly, I’m still figuring it out. But there are a few things I’m beginning to put into practice.

They are things that God has shown me. The discipline of rest may be cultivated differently for you but I do believe that if you’re seeking rest, He’ll show you.

Tomorrow I’m going to get specific and share some of the ways I personally find rest and how we practice rest as a family. I don’t share the particulars because I feel we’ve found the way; I simply want to provide some examples.

The idea of rest can be sort of an abstraction; I’d like to show what it can look like in practical terms.

On a potentially busy, back-to-work Monday, I pray that God will provide an oasis, brief though it may be, for your parched and weary soul.

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{Day 16} Real Rest: An Invitation

At the end of a long day that caps off a long week, it’s easy to feel that I need rest.

But come morning, once I’m fully awake, caffeinated, showered, and refreshed, I’ll feel the familiar urge to accomplish.

Rest is difficult for me. Oh I’m prone to lolly-gag on the computer or get lost in a book on any given afternoon when perhaps I “should” be doing something else.

But it’s the “should be” that trips me up every time, snatching rest from my needy soul and tired body.

Because there’s always something I “should be” doing, too often I choose the tasking over the resting. And even if I push the “should be” away, I’ll likely feel guilty…which is not exactly a place of rest either.

We are not generally a people of rest. We are multi-taskers. The pressure to do more, be more, and have more gets under our skin whether we realize it or not.

The Creator of the universe {who chose rest and modeled it for us} invites us to take a load off. Daily He calls us to hand over our burdens and to rest in His finished work on our behalf. Though Believers don’t all rest on the same day of the week and there are many different interpretations of what rest is and isn’t, we are called to rest. There’s no getting around it.

And because He knows us intimately, He also knows what we need better than anyone else. We may not feel we need it. We may look at the mountain of “should be” and choose to ignore the invitation. I do it all the time.

But there’s an irresistible whisper today, urging me to slow down and let go, reminding me that there’s a better way to accomplish more and it’s by doing less. When we rest, we receive. This God-way is not my way. But it is the intended way.

He invites you to rest. Will you accept the invitation?

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{Day 15} My Real House

How about a few days of “Real Home” as we journey on in this series?

I’ve been a decorating magazine junkie for years. I’m crazy for house blogs and I love it when friends ask for my help with their own re-do’s and design schemes.

But as I sit here and type this, I have dishes stacked on the countertops and books and puzzles strewn across the living room. The armchair is full of toys I threw away that my kids discovered and dug back out of the trash today.

Blue nail polish is smeared across the kids’ bathroom countertop and floor, compliments of the 3-year-old. He did that a week ago and I haven’t cleaned it up yet. That’s okay. It blends in with the Crest blue bubble-mint toothpaste that’s also smeared across the countertop.

It’s October and there are still summer clothes in all the drawers. That’s what jackets are for, I tell myself. My goal is November.

Random toys, flip flops, and sippy cups have spilled out onto the lawn and too often I bring the kids in for dinner and forget to have them clean it up. And because they are kids, they are just fine with that.

For two days in a row I have been near tears over mess. Tomorrow is Saturday and we’ll all pitch in to pick up and clean and I’ll feel better for two days.

By next Friday, however, I’ll be able to write this post all over again.

These words I type? They are for me as much as they are for you.

The truth is, real home {like real life} is messy and frustrating. But it’s also bursting with life, energy, and creativity. I’ve decided that a creative, lively home will always boast mess in some form.

A friend of mine used to have college students in and out of her home while her four kids were young. Her house was rarely clean or picked up. Years later one of those students {who had since become a mom} thanked her for living real. One woman’s messy house freed that young mom from ridiculous expectations and equipped her to live real too.

Crazy, isn’t it? My friend actually had a ministry out of living authentically, not obsessing over perfect, and having others in her home to share life together, mess and all.

Perfect homes can be intimidating.

Real homes are usually inviting.

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{Day 14} For Real Meals

No, we don’t eat rocks. But we are big fans of those cheese pizzas from Costco. A bonus? Recycled boxes can be used for rock sale displays and other kid-inspired enterprises.

So food is a highly personal thing. I’m always a bit hesitant to share recipes with the masses because a) people can be snobbish about food and b) a lot of people have food allergies and specific preferences and c) there are a million food blogs out there written by people who are both passionate and brilliant with food.

But I am keeping it real for 31 days so for those of you who are normal-ish about your meals or just curious about what we eat, I’m sharing a few of our own tried and trues.

We don’t eat a lot of meat around here so you’ll notice that these recipes are not the meatiest of fare. Sorry to disappoint all of you ranchers reading my blog.

Salsa Chicken {4 ways}

Desired amount of boneless, skinless chicken breasts or tenderloins
Desired amount of jarred salsa
Optional: canned diced tomatoes and/or black beans to supplement salsa

(Example ratio: I use a 2.5 lb bag of tenderloins, combined with 2 jars of salsa, 24 oz. or so, a can of diced tomatoes, & a can of black beans.) Dump ingredients in a crock pot or just a large saucepan on the stove. Cook chicken until done. Shred chicken.

Serve chicken mixture over rice with toppings of choice: cheese, sour cream, cilantro, avocado.

Definitely make plenty of this! It’s great leftover and you can even make two totally new meals from it. It’s fantastic as quesadilla or burrito meat. If you also have extra toppings, throw those in your quesadillas or burritos.

If you’re in the mood for a yummy Mexican soup, try this: Take leftover chicken mixture, add some chicken broth or part broth / water depending on how much you have. Sprinkle in fresh cilantro, avocado, and a big scoop of leftover rice. You will have an amazing soup identical to the one my favorite local Mexican restaurant serves. Top soup with crunched-up tortilla chips, shredded cheese, a dollop of sour cream, etc.

But wait, there’s more…the men in my family love to use the leftover salsa chicken to make ultimate nachos! Layer chips, chicken mixture, cheese, and any other toppings you like.

And there you have it: One ridiculously easy dish served four different ways!

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Lentil Soup {from Williams-Sonoma Soup}

Lentils are super healthy, super easy {no soaking or lengthy cooking time}, and super cheap {less than $1 a bag}. I’ve been making this soup for years and it remains a favorite.

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 medium yellow onion (finely chopped)
1-3 carrots {or a handful of baby carrots} sliced
1-2 celery stalks, sliced
{*Note: I throw the veggies in my mini-prep food chopper and they’re finely chopped in less than a minute.}
1 clove garlic, minced
Generous tablespoon curry powder
1-2 bay leaves (if desired)
1 14 oz can diced tomatoes, with juice
1 bag (16 oz) dried lentils, rinsed, picked over, and drained
6-8 cups broth
1 lemon, sliced
1 cup chopped fresh spinach, or 1 1-lb frozen pack
Salt and pepper

Heat olive oil, then add onion, carrot, and celery. Saute until softened (about 5 minutes). Add garlic and saute for one minute more. Add curry powder and cook till fragrant (about 1 minute).

Add tomatoes, juice, bay leaf, lentils, stock to cover, and the lemon slices. Bring to a simmer over medium hight heat. Cover, reduce heat, and cook till lentils are tender, about 30 minutes. Add remainder of stock and heat up. Discard bay leaf and lemon slices.

If using fresh spinach, add just before serving. If using frozen, add at the end and cook for about 2-3 minutes.

Salt and pepper to taste.

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Black Beans and Rice

I sort of made up this recipe so it’s a bit different each time I make it. Here’s the basic cast of ingredients. These amounts serve our family of 5 and I always have leftovers.

3-4 cans of black beans {drained or not}
1 can diced tomatoes or a cup or two of salsa or a bit of both
1 diced onion
1 green pepper
1-2 minced garlic cloves
lime or lemon juice to taste
Cumin to taste
Salt, pepper, garlic salt, etc. to taste

Cook on stove or in a crock-pot. Serve over rice and top with cheese, sour cream, cilantro, avocado, whatever.

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Oatmeal Pancakes

My friend gave me this recipe and let me tell you, these are hearty and yummy, a comfort-food sort of pancake. We eat them for dinner. Serve them up with some bacon and fruit and it’s a well-rounded meal.

1/2 C whole wheat flour
1 1/2 C rolled oats
1 tbsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
1 egg
1 tbsp. oil
1 tbsp. honey
1 1/2 C milk

Mix and let set for 10-15 minutes so the oats can absorb some of the liquid.

My favorite pancake add-in’s? Banana slices and pecans.

And I’d be remiss if I did not give a big shout-out to the Trader Joe’s pumpkin pancake mix that they sell during the fall. We are crazy for these pancakes!

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So there you have it. Four faves that are part of our rotation.

We’re big on leftovers and super easy meals to fill in the gaps. We have spaghetti {from a jar} at least once a week with these frozen baguettes from Costco. Sunday nights are always grilled cheese and tomato soup night {from a can.}

And as I mentioned yesterday, frozen cheese pizzas with some fruits and veggies make a regular appearance. We love the Kirkland cheese pizzas from Costco, 4 for $10.

Now it’s your turn. What are your go-to meals? The so-familiar-you-can-make-it-in-your-sleep meals? We can all use some new real meal ideas to work into our own rotation.

Just put your recipe in the comments section or link to it in your comment if it’s one that’s on-line.

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{Day 13} Real Meals Part I: The Contemplative Cook

Ridiculously amazing burgers from the summer. A rare carnivorous achievement for this mostly-vegetarian {flexitarian?} cook.

I loved cooking until I had to cook.

When I got married, I received a beautiful array of cookbooks and I just couldn’t wait to whip up gourmet deliciousness in the kitchen each night . I worked an 8-5 job and my husband was in graduate school. I had the energy that comes with early 20s {and that you totally don’t appreciate at that point} and big cooking dreams.

An ambitious newlywed, I dished up everything from coq au vin to teriyaki stir-frys in my galley kitchen the size of a shoe-box. It was delightful. And really, what else did I have to do?

Several years later I began graduate school myself. Life was sort of intense and insane and though I still cooked, we ate a lot of take-out and quick-fix stuff. But I still enjoyed cooking and baking in the kitchen…when I felt like it.

Once Blondie arrived, I made all of her baby food and still managed to cook grown-up food when I wasn’t buried in books and papers. But if I didn’t cook a big family dinner every evening, she didn’t care. She was too busy smearing pureed sweet potatoes on the table.

Fast forward 10 years. We’re a family of five and I have two boys…who will eat like grown men in just a few years. Because I homeschool, I prepare {or at least supervise} not one or two, but three meals for us each and every day.

As soon as I clean up from breakfast, it feels like I’m pulling out the stuff for lunchtime sandwiches. As for dinner? Well, dinner has the nerve to show up every evening whether I invite her or not.

The girl who used to dream up nightly gourmet meals has become a worn-out mom who has a love / growl relationship with the kitchen.

When cooking felt more like art, I relished it. Now that it feels more like duty, I often resent it.

To add insult to culinary injury, kid and family magazines show up in my mailbox touting grilled-cheese sandwiches in the shape of sailboats and castles made out of pancakes. You know, to make mealtime more “fun” for my kids.

Where is the magazine that shows how to make mealtime more fun for mamas? When will my kids start making risotto and rolling up some sushi for good ol’ mom?

Though I’ve tried meal planning approaches, I’ve never found a hard and fast “system” that really worked for me long-term.

These days, I usually have ingredients for a week’s worth of meals. I go to the store once or twice a week or I work with what we have. I don’t stockpile a freezer because I don’t have an extra freezer. My non-plan plan works okay for us and I somehow manage to have food on the table each night without feeling too much stress.

My secret? Realistic standards and expectations. Some may call it being an underachiever but I call it not being an overachiever.

Like a lot of real families, we don’t have tremendous variety. We have a rotation of tried and true dinners and yes, sometimes that gets boring. I still love to read cookbooks for fun and I dog-ear Southern Living recipes all the time. Breaks and holidays still bring out the foodie in me and I hope that never changes.

I’m glad there are still rare occasions when cooking feels like art. And I think that one day I’ll enjoy more art in the kitchen than I experience now.

As for this season of my life, I often remind myself that I’ve chosen to prioritize other things and because these other good things take a lot of time and energy, I have to say no to different good things that also require time and energy. It’s called opportunity cost and I’ve written about it before.

Homeschool means lesson plans, teaching, and research. {And sometimes hiding under the covers and rocking back and forth in the fetal position.} I’ve chosen to spend the rest of my precious time writing, reading, being creative at home, or just leaving the house altogether to regain sanity.

My family still eats a reasonably healthy meal most nights and we sit at the table together. “Well-balanced” sometimes means a frozen cheese pizza, steamed broccoli and apple slices. It’s not Pioneer Woman but it works for us.

It’s just one of the many ways I’m learning to accept and embrace the life we live right now. My kids are happy, fed, and loved. Sometimes {most times actually} you have to camp out in the land of just fine instead of in the pages of Bon Appetit.

Tomorrow, I’ll share a few of my own go-to meals. I’ve shared them before but I think we need to reintroduce them. I hope you’ll share some of yours too!

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& topics thus far.}

{Day 12} Keep it Real. Wear it Well.

Yesterday was so much fun I decided we needed another day to dish about what we real moms and women actually wear.

Apparently I’m not alone in my indecision and frustration over clothes that are both appropriate and stylish.

Judging from the comments, there also seems to a universal tension between the sort of wardrobe we think we like and the wardrobe that is actually realistic and authentic for each of us.

Let’s face it. There are a lot of identity issues wrapped up in the things we pull off the hanger each morning. Like it or not, clothing is like a walking advertisement for yourself. I think that becomes less important as we get older {thank goodness}, but I’m still years away from style apathy.

I don’t think there’s a hard and fast formula for figuring out what works for each of us. Trial and error is part of the package. And I think that’s just fine.

But I have begun to think of my closet as valuable real estate. I don’t want some freeloading blouse taking up one of my hangers when she’s not paying rent. And though I’m in the process of a major closet purge, I don’t plan to replace what I’m getting rid of.

As I mentioned yesterday, I just want to have fewer, truer pieces.

Recently I read an article in an old issue of Domino magazine. The article is entitled, “Our Closets, Ourselves” by reporter, Cynthia King. King turns herself over to two stylists in order to define and refine her style. It’s brilliant and witty and I’ve read it numerous times. I’m sort of weird like that.

King says that, “….growing up, I was taught that you shouldn’t worry about what to wear–but you should always look great.”

Isn’t that the truth? What’s a girl to do?

She says we can learn something from French women, who seem effortlessly well-dressed. I’ve been to France and it’s true. Ironically, they have small wardrobes. Says King, “They’ve honed their looks, scout accordingly and purge ruthlessly.”

Hone. Scout. Purge.

Got it.

I’d like to add one more thing though. I think that a key ingredient in looking good is feeling good about whatever you’re in. And that’s an important question to ask yourself: Do I feel good in this? Do I feel like me?

Yesterday I was in Goodwill and a woman nearly mowed me down with her shopping cart. She was brimming with confidence and was clearly on a mission as she sashayed through the aisles in her knee-length denim skirt, fitted red sweater, perfectly coifed blonde hair and red, anklet cowboy boots. With fringe.

She was in her 70s.

I got a kick out of this lady. She was adorable and looked cute as could be because she knew who she was and that outfit was working for her, fringed boots and all.

It beats SAS shoes and a rain bonnet, no?

Though honing and owning one’s style can take time, introspection, and observation, I think it’s well worth it in the long run. Especially if we are sashaying through the aisles in our flirty boots when we’re 70.

I’m beginning to feel more inspired than tired as I survey my closet, bare though it’s becoming.

Maybe I’ll even do a closet update post. I forgot how fun it is to chat about clothes!

Repeat after me: Hone. Scout. Purge. Own {It}.

So what about you? Do you have some honing and owning to do?

…………………….

If you haven’t checked out Tiny Twig’s 31 Days to a No-Brainer Wardrobe, you should. She’s got some great advice and inspiration for all of us who feel a bit stuck.

{Click on the button for the list of all the days

& topics thus far.}

{Day 11} Mom-Jeans and Miniskirts: What’s a Real Mom to Wear?

{A rare photo of me, the mom photographer in rumpled jeans and non-fashionable sneakers, on a recent family trip to the apple orchard. }

When I was a teenager I said that I would always dress like one. I swore that when I was a grown-up and a mom, I’d still wear mini-skirts and shop at Benetton and the Esprit store.

Well, I am now both a grown-up and a mom. I do not wear mini-skirts. And I’m pretty sure I have not sported an Esprit or Benetton label since 1992.

My youthful self could not have known that women my age who dress like teenagers would be called Cougars {and not in a school-mascot kind of way.}.

Realistically, there may not be a teenager on the planet who possesses the sensibilities that come with age. I was no exception.

I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t so much obsessed with the eternal mini-skirt; I just didn’t want to look matronly. I also didn’t want to drive a mini-van, wear mom-jeans, or look the part of a grown-up.

Looking young and hip seemed cool. Looking old and mom-ish was unthinkable.

I’ll be 40 in a year and a half. As I write this I’m wearing khakis, gray and purple sneakers, and a sweatshirt. If my 16-year-old self could see me now, she’d die of shame and tell me to at least tight-roll my pants.

She also wouldn’t be caught dead driving the Toyota Sienna that’s parked in my garage.

But as much as I’m tempted to roll my eyes and shush that naive 16-year-old, she speaks loud and clear every time I stare blank-faced at my closet. Because here’s the thing: I still don’t want to look too much like a stereotypical mom I picture in my head…even though I am one.

I know that sounds terrible. Truly, I consider stretch-marks to be a badge of honor and I actually like those parentheses around my mouth that a dermatologist would want to fill with Botox. Evidence of nearly 40 years of smiling? I think that’s a good thing.

But I often struggle to look stylish and appropriate without fearing that I look either too youthful or too old. I no longer shop in the Juniors department but I’m not sure what “Misses” means either.

Also? The idea of synthetic fabrics now makes me feel itchy. And I’ve developed an aversion to most patterns.

But here’s the real clincher. I now look at outfits and say, Oh, that looks comfortable instead of saying, Oh, that looks cute!

Before you know it I’ll be sporting SAS shoes and a rain bonnet.

New seasons always make me crave a few new pieces. But as I surveyed my wardrobe this fall, I had an identity crisis. I desperately wanted to get some things but I wanted to be smart about it.

Thank goodness Pinterest came into my life. So did Tiny Twig’s 31 Days to a No-Brainer Wardrobe. {If you’re feeling at all like me, you should check out her fun and doable series.}

As I pinned outfits I liked and assessed the types of things I always reach for in my schizophrenic closet, I noticed common themes: solid neutrals, stripes or vintage patterns, and pops of color in accessories.

As much as I’d love to be the poster child for Anthropologie, I’m really a Gap kind of girl through and through. It explains why I’ve worn a jean jacket every year of my life since the 8th grade.

I’ve wasted a decent amount of time and money on things that don’t fit my lifestyle or my true style. I’d like to reverse that trend.

Being realistic with my wardrobe doesn’t mean I’ve given up. Unlike George Costanza, I am not committing to sweat pants ever after. In many ways, it means I’ve finally accepted who I really am instead of trying to dress like someone who doesn’t live my life {complete with PB & J smears} or trying to reinvent myself into someone who doesn’t shop in my closet {a NYC celebrity}.

Today I enjoyed a couple of precious hours to go shopping. Don’t be too jealous. I went to two Goodwills and a discount clothing store.

Sometimes I’m a bit overwhelmed by the sheer volume of crazy cast-offs. And sometimes I relapse into rayon and then never wear it. But today I was able to zero in on things that I think I’ll reach for time and again. They are easy, comfy, and very mix and match. And I didn’t even try on anything that duplicated something I already had.

It was freeing to put my new-found methods into practice.

Gasp, I sound as if I’m shopping like a sensible grown-up.

I’ve begun a major closet purge and I’m excited to have fewer but truer pieces.

It’s not what my inner 16-year-old’s closet would look like. Thank goodness. But I don’t think she’s totally rolling her eyes either.

What are your tried and true, go-to pieces?

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