{Day 26} Real Marriage Part 3: On Little Things

I made collages for him. Yes I did. 

Bits of typeface, paper hearts, glitter and photos. It was painstaking but it didn’t feel that way…a labor of love that only scratched the surface of the overwhelming everything for this guy who made my heart pound and gallop like a racehorse. 

My love poured out freely and lavishly in the form of words, affection, sacrifice and wild, unabashed joy. 

I didn’t have to work at it. Neither of us did. Like a wild roller-coaster flying along its tracks, romantic love did the work for us. We were simply along for the ride.

And then marriage. 

Slowly but surely, what once felt like Disney World became more like the local roller rink. Oh it was still enjoyable, wonderful even, but it became predictable and routine. Comfortable. 

The languages of love that once flowed effortlessly began to feel unnecessary and sometimes even laborious. 

I’ve learned the hard way, however, that those supposed little things of the early days are monumental.

While regular date nights, marriage conferences and weekends away are all fine and good, they are serious luxuries for many of us. 

Is it possible that rich marriage blooms out of the fertile soil of the everyday? Conversely, neglecting the simple opportunities to feed and water one’s marriage relationship will eventually kill the thing. 

I write to remind myself. 

It probably goes without staying that I became neglectful over the years. We both did. {But for now, I’m simply telling my part.}

Strange how you have to relearn that which used to come effortlessly. Be encouraged that the more you practice simple expressions of love, the more they return to you and begin to flow freely again. 

No, I’m not still pasting collages together or making mix tapes. But I’m appreciating more, taking less for granted, making him smile and reminding him of my affection and admiration. 

I want him to know that I’ve missed him during the day and not just missed his help.

I want him to know I appreciate his hard work and not just his salary. 

He doesn’t implicitly know that I still find him strikingly handsome and charming. I have to tell him and show him.

Never underestimate the huge impact of the little. 

Sprinkle love often and liberally. With simple, repetitive nurture, that which was dormant breathes life once again. 

Love returns. 


{Click on the button for the list of all the days 
and topics thus far.}


  1. says

    I absolutely love this series. You are a truly gifted writer who gets directly to the heart of the matter. I think you could probably do an entire 31 days on marriage! In the past you were kind enough to encourage me( through an e-mail) in my own marriage. My husband and I will soon be celebrating our 16th anniversary, and, like you, I believe we are now a united front as opposed to adversaries. It has taken much time, many conversations, and even more prayers. I am grateful for you rawness and honesty…it has been a blessing to me…and my marriage.


    Oh…one quick question. A short time back, you did a post to your younger self that involved a friend named Susan. She looked remarkably similar to a Susan Griffin I went to high school with in Georgia. Could it possibly be her? If so, I would love to somehow link up with her. Thanks!

  2. says

    We just went through and reminded ourselves of our own unique love languages, it was so good to remember this! We’ve never read Gary Smalley’s book on love languages but we learned about them through an Alpha marriage course that we took-it was so valuable! And so good to know how to speak one another’s languages, it has made our marriage richer.

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