Field Trips, Pediatricians, and Jail-Time



{This photo has nothing to do with the post but I needed a picture. I am not sure why Cupcake chose to watch Dora from the vantage point of a cardboard box.}

The “fantastic” thing about homeschooling is that every errand becomes a family affair, a field trip if you will. Today we all enjoyed an exciting field trip to the doctor because Blondie is sick.


Our pediatrician always scans the examination room and grins when we visit because it’s not everyday she sees four enthusiastic people in the same room when only one of them is ill. She also knows that she will be asked 1,142 questions by three of the four said people in a span of just 10 minutes.

Outings like this have a tendency to make this already tense mama just a teensy bit more high-strung…if that is possible. I never know how long we’ll sit in the waiting area or the subsequent examination room. {They call out names as if you’ve won a prize only to mock you and send you to someplace akin to Purgatory.} I also fear being vomited on by a child who is not my own.

And if that’s not enough, I have a tendency to promise that no one will get a shot because they do not give shots for things like ear infections, coughs, and sore throats when, in fact, sometimes they do. Lying to your children about their worst nightmare, getting shots, always makes one feel like a winner, does it not?

So you see, I am not a fan of the doctor’s office field trip. Today did not “disappoint.”

After they called our name and walked us to the holding tank, I noticed that Cupcake was not his normal bounding-down-the-hallway self. When we got to the threshold between the hallway and room, he stopped cold. He remembered that they poke innocent children here with sharp sticks. The nurse had no choice but to leave the door open as Cupcake looked on with fear and trepidation. Now a public spectacle, poor Blondie endured getting her throat swabbed and because none of my children will ever be martyrs, she cried somewhat excessively.

Cupcake got mad.

He interrogated the stunned nurse, “Why you do dat? You hurt Blondie! You don’t be mean to her! Don’t you eber do dat again!” And this, of course, got us all giggling and thankfully distracted Blondie from all of the drama and trauma.

We finally persuaded him to enter the room and the nurse
abandoned me
left us for the more exciting task of watching a strep culture.

And so the four of us just hung out in the room for a while {and by “while” I mean a lifetime.} The boys looked for anything they could climb on or spin upon. Blondie asked 376 times how long this was going to take. I wondered why they did not have a margarita vending machine in the hallway. Finally I pulled out the flashcards stashed in my purse, hoping we could get some of our review work accomplished while we waited.

It seems that Cupcake, in addition to knowing how to intimidate a nurse, also knows his English grammar.

After tugging on my sleeve excessively, I finally relented, “Okay buddy, it’s your turn. What are the 8 parts of speech?”

All 3 of us watched in amazement as he rattled off, “Nouns, Pronouns, Verbs, Adverbs, Conjunctions, Interjections, Prepositions, Adjectives.” I kid you not. I call this phenomenon “trickle-down education.” Apparently he is absorbing more than I realize as he plays with matchbox cars and knocks over trash-cans. He may prove to be the brightest {and meanest} one of the bunch.

{And y’all know that I do not usually exploit this blog to brag on my babies, but seriously, I felt compelled to share because it is both comical and a warning to be careful what you say around this kid. He repeats things with alarming accuracy.}

Because he is clearly a prodigy, he spent the rest of his time in the holding tank / Purgatory peeling all of the germ-infested and crusted-over stickers adorning the examination table and sticking them to himself. This task must have worn him out because he then chose to lay spread-eagle on the floor and do something like face-down snow angels {minus the snow} on the tile. I could literally see the staphylococcus setting up camp all over his hands.

So I did what any concerned mother would do. I let him eat a sucker on the way out.

This was after Blondie informed our inquiring pediatrician that she had band-aids all over her arm because Brownie told Cupcake to scratch her this morning…just for fun…and all of this went down while Mommy was taking a shower {and clearly not supervising the children.} She also told our doctor that Seinfeld, which she has only seen 5 minutes of in her entire life, is her favorite show. Brownie replied, “Me too. I love Seinfeld.” Cupcake made it a trifecta as he chimed in, “Yeah, Seinfeld!”

So now I’m one of those crazy homeschool moms who doesn’t supervise her children as they terrorize one another while watching sit-coms about self-absorbed New Yorkers who joke a great deal about sex and other assorted adult topics.

I’m pretty much waiting to be hauled off at any moment.

So, how was your day?

Comments

  1. says

    Ah, isn’t homeschooling fun? Indy likes to tell everyone we meet every single thing we do and say. I try to tell him that he doesn’t need to let perfect strangers know that I dropped a pancake on the floor and fed it to him anyway or that mom and dad haven’t had sheets on their bed for 2 days because mom is too tired to put them on. And when I say he talks to everyone, I mean EVERYONE. The child does not meet a stranger. Even the Germans he’ll chatter to in his broken German before asking if they speak English and then proceeding to tell them everything he can think of. Everyday is a great adventure.
    BTW, I shuddered at the thought of the face down no-snow angels on the floor. Ack!

  2. says

    Scooper,
    THIS is the best way to begin my day. A mug of coffee and A Scoop of Life. Thank you!
    You relate the best adventures of your life and I am so thankful for it. I’m thinking that Cupcake will have the best immune system EVER!
    Regarding the memorization — My oldest, at 8, would get so upset when his baby sister could rattle off the catechisms and that he would struggle with. At 4 she wasn’t showing off, she was a sponge (Parrot Stage) and could remember them easier. THAT is the beauty of the program we were, and you are, using. Love CC Inc.

    Hugs to you and yours for making my Friday morning so much brighter.
    I hope Blondie is completely recovered?

    {{{Scooper}}}

  3. says

    Scooper,
    I agree with Lynne – this was a great way to ease into the day. Lots of giggling while I read the post. Truman climbs on everything and especially enjoys jumping from things that will cause the nurses to inhale all the air from the room. Scott will always ask LOTS of questions about progress, development, what the doctor said and I feel so silly telling him my jumbled answer that ends with “oh I don’t know everything is fine” Gone are the days of asking lots of questions and being able to listen to what the doctor says.
    Margarita fountain in the lobby – giggles and nods from me.

  4. says

    This is hilarious! We were there last week, at the doctor’s anyway-no one was sick but they ALL needed a shot. Yuck. In the process of wresting one child to the table I got kicked by said child and elbowed by the nurse. I know everyone heard the screaming based on the looks we got on the way out. Oh my-yes, they definitely need margaritas at the doctors! Hope your little one is feeling better soon!

  5. says

    Oh, my lands! I would be laughing out loud (really loud) were it not for your dad sleeping soundly in his recliner about 2 feet away. His golf just wore him out, poor soul!

    Hilarious post! You’re becoming a junior Erma Bombeck (my matron saint), whose ability to see the humor in the humdrum and the comedy in the calamitous(?) will forever keep her on my pedestal.

    Thanks, honey . . . again.

    LYF

  6. says

    I’m laughing WITH you, I promise!!! Of course I could tell my own tales… my 6th grade daughter getting her shots 2 weeks ago, hysterically crying over the stress of homework and the impending shots as the nurse walked us back. Then she sat in my lap during the shots, did really well, until it over and she literally about passed out! And then there was yesterday when I woke up to a 7yo with a raging fever. I thought he would be ok while I went to church for the Bible study I teach… he could sit in the corner quietly because he is such a good boy. I planned to leave after the first hour when it was time to pop in the video. Having him throw up on his shoes and mine, as the ladies arrived, kind of changed that plan! How thankful I am for our church’s outstanding housekeeping staff!!! Mommyhood is quite the adventure, for sure. Blessings!!!

    p.s. on an unrelated note, for the past several weeks, everytime I come to your blog my internet is disabled. Very odd. And frustrating. Took 3 tries to make a comment!

  7. says

    ROFL!!!!

    On a serious note, the trickle down education is amazing, isn’t it? Ashley is going to know her multiplication facts before she even learns about double digit addition thanks to the multiplication rhymes from Grandma’s Magical Math that Lauren is using!

  8. says

    Bahahahaha! I can so totally relate! My favorite word picture is the one about Cupcake laying facedown on the floor and making snow angels while the strep germs rise up and attach to his arms. LOLOL!

    I am so sorry for your troubles, but you do an excellent job of relating them. Thank you for the laugh.

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