This last installment of the series poses the greatest challenge of all because it gets at the heart of…well, our hearts. I’m not writing about the pros and cons of one way or another, nor am I recounting the lessons I’ve personally learned. This is the “olive branch post,” the post in which I remind each and every one of us that there is only one way we can approach others who have chosen to do school differently than we’ve chosen to do it. 

With love. 


But before I break that down, let’s ponder two things: 

1. Do you need to hand over the gavel?

If you’re educating your children in a way that reflects significant thought, research, and conviction, you’re probably pretty attached to this way. That doesn’t mean you love it every day or that you think it’s perfect. But it does mean that right now it’s difficult to imagine choosing a different path. 

Someone who has chosen that different path may very well reflect the same amount of thought, research, and conviction that you do. 

So if you harbor some less than loving opinions of that person and / or their schooling choice, you’re…um, how can I put this? You’re being judge-y. 

For those who are Christians, we’ve been given some instruction on this. I’ll be honest, it’s not my favorite admonition, because I’m prone to being a bit judge-y too. We all are. And that’s why we need the reminder:

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

Sometimes we toss this verse around in an effort to deflect rightly-earned rebuke. This isn’t a verse that says, Anything goes. Live and let live. Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you.

My ESV commentary explains that Judge not forbids pronouncing another person guilty before God. It’s interesting that in verse five, the one doing the judging {referred to as a “hypocrite”} is told to first take the speck out of his own eye.

Why? Because a posture of humility is the only true and good posture we can assume. When we judge, when we’re doing a little bit {or a lot} of condemning in our thoughts or even in our talk, we might as well just hand Pride the microphone. 

And though the Pride may receive a lot of attention and make a lot of noise and even garner the respect of likeminded followers, Pride will not receive the favor of God. 

You see, God actually opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. 

Sometimes I feel as though we’re all walking around calling out splinters and failing to notice that we’ve got actual oaks  rooted in our own eyeballs {weird and creepy as that metaphor is.} Pride and judgement have a way of blinding us like that. 

And though we judge other people and other groups every day on a thousand different issues, school just happens to be the one I’m talking about right now. 

To know if you’re walking around with a log in your eye on this issue, ask yourself these questions:

• How would I feel if someone judged me, my family, or my decisions / convictions with the same attitude with which I’m judging them?

• When I think of those who are doing this school thing way differently than we are, do I feel grace, love, and respect for them or do I become a little judge-y?

• If, for any reason, I had to give up the way we currently do education and resort to the path I am most likely to judge or balk at, how would I feel? Like a failure? Less godly? Like I had to hang out with people who I think are weird or misguided or both?

I’m not going to interpret your answers. That’s for you to sort out. But your answers to those questions may reveal some attitudes that you need to confront. I don’t say this to make you feel guilty. I say this because I’d love to see all of us set free. Only freedom can allow us to come together in love and unity.

Which brings me to my next point…


2. Are you promoting a spirit of unity with your thoughts, conversations, and fellowship?

{What? You’re still reading this after all of that toe-stepping and weird talk about trees in our eyes?}

Though many different sorts of people read this blog, I think that most of my readers are at least sympathetic to the Christian faith and have probably observed or experienced {or run from} some of the disunity within the church over this issue of school. 

In a very timely message on “Authentic Christian Unity” last Sunday, my pastor shared this quote:

In essentials unity, in non-essentials liberty, in all things charity.

                                                                      ~ Rupertus Meldenius, circa 1627


Meldenius was a German theologian during the Thirty Years War, a time rife with violence and religious factions in Europe. It’s a great quote, isn’t it? But you’re probably thinking the same thing I am. What happens when we can’t agree on what’s “essential” and what’s “non-essential?”

Disunity arises when we confuse the two, when we interpret something Scripture says differently than another person. 

Our own church is an interesting mix of public school and homeschool families. We don’t have many private school folks because there are so few private schools in our area. I think ours is an “interesting” mix because churches have a way of fostering homogeneity among its congregants. It’s common to find a church in which most of its families homeschool or most of its families support and attend the church-chartered private school or most of its families attend the local public schools. 

But our rather large church reflects an array of choices. And I love that. Why? Because I think it can allow us to practice real Christian unity and charity. We’re not bound together because we’re likeminded about all things, even important things like education. And because we don’t all do things the same way, we have even greater opportunity to practice unity; we’re bound together by the love and spirit of Christ himself and not by our identical decisions.

Jesus {who is our model, our motivation, and our means} befriended every segment of society: Jew and Gentile, slave and free, male and female, prostitute and patrician. For so many of these people, Christ was the only common ground. 

How much more can He unite us?

Our Youth & Family Ministries at church actually wrote a statement on formal education, acknowledging that “the Scriptures do not explicitly tell us how to teach our children regarding formal education.” I’d like to share an excerpt because it gets at the core of Christian unity on the issue of school:

Therefore, we encourage families to act on their own convictions and show grace to those who choose to apply Scripture differently… 

Our calling is to go as far as the Scriptures go and no farther. Therefore, our calling is to help youth & families know Christ and His Word in such a way that biblical wisdom will govern each family’s application of scripture regarding formal education.  

We acknowledge that the differences that exist regarding formal schooling options can often provide opportunities for sinful hearts to overflow into gossip, judgmental attitudes, and condescending thoughts and words. In acknowledgment of the damage that such sinful attitudes and actions can do to Christ’s body, we call all families to dialogue about issues such as school choice with humility, grace, and gentleness {Prov. 15:1}, reflecting the grace we have received from Christ, our merciful Savior. 

Humility, grace, and gentleness. Those virtues are at the heart of unity on any issue that threatens to divide us. 

But there is a virtue that binds all of these others together, a virtue that is the “greatest,” a virtue that Colossians 3:12-15 invites us to literally “put on.”

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love*, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

*emphasis mine 

Can you see it? The key to coming together on this issue is love. And quite honestly, you don’t have to believe in the Bible or any of this Christian charity stuff to recognize that humility, gentleness, and kindness–bound together by love–is truly the answer to living in a community that is full of grace for those who do the “non-essentials” differently.

Sister-in-law: Classical-ish homeschool mom. Sister-in-law: Public school mom and now K12 on-line school mom. My mom: Combination of public school and private school among her own 4 kiddos. Sister: Homeschooled 2 years. Now is a public school mom at their inner-city Title 1 school. Me: Homeschool-turned-public-school-mom. Different personalities, different kids, different family dynamics, different communities, different needs, and different ways of schooling. Common denominator? A whole lot of love.

So in light of love and charity, what practical and tangible action steps can we take? You can probably come up with some of your own but here are a few to get us started:

• If your kids don’t attend public school, acknowledge and appreciate those who, day in and day out, teach over 90% of the children in your community. I talked a little about that in this post {and confessed that I haven’t been good at this.} Virtually all of us have friends, family members, or acquaintances who work in the public schools. How often do we thank them, pray for them, or enter into conversations with them in the bleachers or on the sidelines about how their year is going? 

• If you’ve chosen public school or private school but you know homeschooling mamas, ask them how their year is going? Show interest in what they’re doing and the unique ways they’re learning. You may even learn something from one another about creative ways to study, or books your children have enjoyed, or fun field trip ideas. So many of our learning opportunities and methods can overlap; see one another as a friend and also as a resource.

• Know the issues and vote for the good of the children being educated in your community. I know, this sounds obvious and like I’m just grasping at straws here but seriously, it’s important. {I also know that personal politics may determine how we define “good.”} If your kids are homeschooled or in private school, it’s tempting to live unaware of the legislation that affects public schools. But please, don’t live unaware and don’t become apathetic. Imagine those public school kids as your own kids. Because they are, in a way, all of our own kids. Vote with conviction and compassion. {And that’s as political as I’m ever going to get on this blog.} 

• Understand that sometimes “self-awareness” decreases as personal conviction and excitement about an issue increases. Don’t assume the worst. We see it and hear it everywhere: social media, in the parking lot, at various conferences or practicums, in conversations with friends, on the news. Someone is really pumped about an issue or an opportunity or, in this case, a way of learning, and they get a little evangelistic about it. Such conviction and enthusiasm can lead to alienating others. Sometimes people don’t care if they alienate those who are already “on the other side.” But sometimes they are simply unaware. 

• Your neighbor who homeschools may not intend to make you feel less-than about public schooling when she goes on and on about the awesome field trip they took to the planetarium. 

• Your cousin on Facebook may have no idea that she makes you feel less-than about homeschooling when she posts a picture of the back-to-school teacher breakfast she organized with a caption that reads: I just love being involved in my kids public schools!

• Those homeschool moms who are always visiting together at church probably {hopefully!} aren’t trying to exclude you because you’re a public school mom. And those public moms probably {hopefully!} aren’t trying to exclude you because you’re a homeschool mom. As I’ve said before, you need “your people” because you need a specific kind of encouragement and that’s okay. But know that we also need one another. Maybe you can be the one who chooses to be brave and initiates some conversation that’s a bit more inclusive?

Don’t assume the worst. Don’t take counsel from your own insecurities and sensitivities. And if someone “on the other side” is actually trying to elevate their way over your way, know that you’re not responsible for their attitude; you’re simply responsible for yours.

Run hard after love, my friend. Recognize your own need for grace and receive it so that you can more generously lavish it on others. Pray that unity and community can become more important than being right or being understood or being approved.

Put on love. 

::::::

As I sat down to write this final post in a series, I felt two distinct emotions: Relief. That I was actually about to finish this thing. And sadness. That I was actually about to finish this thing. 

I thought I’d write five or six posts and I ended up with ten. I thought the introductory, story-telling posts would be the longest ones and that the other posts would be succinct and easy to write. Instead, some of my later posts felt like books in and of themselves. My husband would come home and ask how the day went and I would respond, lethargic and glassy-eyed, I wrote a post that felt like I wrote a book about rejecting fear-based motivation. I’m sorry the laundry is still not folded. And yes, we are having leftovers. 

I went deep over these last few weeks. Much deeper than I’d planned. And in mining the depths of this complex, confusing, and often controversial subject of school, I’ve realized that there’s still so much more to say. 

But that’s where you pick up with the rest of the story. Yes. You.

Here’s the thing. I could write a book about the topic of “finding grace and freedom for ourselves and for others in our educational choices,” and in some ways, I feel like I have. But a thousand great and inspiring books on the subject won’t do a bit of good if we aren’t able to live the freedom and grace about which I’ve written these last few weeks. 

This freedom and grace in how you educate your own kids? It’s for real. There isn’t a formula. There isn’t a perfect way. 

It’s all grace. I believe this with all my heart. God has written this message on my own life in a thousand ways. School just happens to be one of them.

And because it’s all grace, we can live freedom and grace and generosity in our communities. 

We can experience trial and error.

We can embrace paths and ways we never planned to travel and we can embrace paths and ways others choose to travel.

We can listen to one another. 

We can learn from one another. 

We can lean on one another. 

And we can love one another. 

The end. 

…………………….

Friends, thank you for reading. Thank you for your comments, e-mails, texts, and Facebook messages. Thank you for encouraging me as I write to encourage others. The community that gathers around here is a sweet gift. There are countless places and spaces where you can spend your time; I’m honored that you choose to spend some of it here.

Grace and peace to each one of you.

……………………..

This is the tenth and final post in a series: 

Being Cool About School: 

Finding Grace & Freedom for Ourselves & Others in Our Educational Choices

{Whether We Teach Our Kids at Home, 

in School, or on the Moon}

You can read the earlier posts in the series here. 

  

Feel free to subscribe to the blog if you’d like to receive additional posts from a la mode. You can do that in the right sidebar. And you may unsubscribe anytime you like. 

  

Is it wrong to want great things for our children? Of course not. We love them and we want the best for them.

For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

[God] who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began… 

Yes, it can be frightening to switch gears. It’s no fun to look truth in the face. It’s not easy to enter into unchartered parts of community when we’d rather stay safe and comfy in our own homes and with our own kind. 

I struggle with this today, right now, in the midst of this very series. I don’t have things neatly figured out. I only know that pride and fear should have no jurisdiction here. 

The goal for intentional parents is the same: I want my kids to bear fruit in this world. I want them to be ready and equipped. 

And finally, whatever educational route you choose, be mindful that the community around you still needs the light and the love you have to offer. Don’t see it as one more thing on a to-do list. See it simply as showing up. See it as “reweaving shalom” in your community. 

Simply allow yourself to be filled up and let God do his thing of pouring you out in his time and in his unique way. He has the coolest, most organic process of making it happen, of empowering you to live full and real and unafraid and generous wherever you are. 

……………………..

This is the ninth post in a series: 

Being Cool About School: 

Finding Grace & Freedom for Ourselves & Others in Our Educational Choices

{Whether We Teach Our Kids at Home, 

in School, or on the Moon}

You can read the earlier posts in the series here. 

  

Feel free to subscribe to the blog if you’d like to receive the rest of the series in your e-mail’s inbox. You can do that in the right sidebar. And you may unsubscribe anytime you like. 

Friends, I can’t believe we’re finishing the third week of this series. When I began this crazy idea of writing a whole series about school, I thought I might have two weeks of material. It turns out that I’m going to have four weeks. I guess there’s more to say than I realized. 

Want to know the really crazy part? I could keep going after that. But I won’t. The posts I have planned for next week will wrap things up rather nicely. Also? There are other things I want to write about. Like pom-poms and my new writing nook and our favorite fall things. 

But we’re not there yet. If you are sick to death of these posts about school, just come back in about week, okay? I’ll try and serve up a post about pumpkin bread and candles and books. Books that I’ve had to stop reading. Because I’m writing this series that will not end.

But that’s okay because my writing has taken on a deeper sense of purpose during these last few weeks and that has been a rich gift indeed.  

The first week I shared our own story of school and indecision and weepy days of moving my homeschool books into the attic after we’d put our kids in public school. I spent the following week talking about homeschool, what I loved about it and what I wish I’d done differently. 

This week I’ve discussed public school and on Wednesday I may have published my longest-ever post in the history of this blog. It broke every best-practices “rule” of blog posts, smashing the suggested 700-word cap by about 7,000 words. Or something in that ballpark, give or take a few thousand. Consider it a free book. Merry Christmas. 

Today I’d like to speak to those of you who are considering public school. Maybe your kids are still little and you haven’t had to make the decision about how you’ll educate them. But you’re thinking about it. Or perhaps you’re homeschooling or private-schooling but for one reason or fifty, you’re toying with the prospect of public school. If public school is a consideration but you’re not sure if you can really do it or if it’s best or what it will look like, this post is for you. 

There’s not much I can “answer” for you. Like I mentioned Wednesday, there are a million variables. It depends on your particular school and your particular child and your particular lifestyle. It also depends a lot on you, the parent. There is no identical experience. But there are things you may want to know and consider, everything from calendar freedom to educational approaches to authority issues.

This isn’t an exhaustive list but it’s a start. Maybe it will get you thinking in some directions your mind and heart haven’t ventured yet. 

In no particular order, here are some things to consider about public school: 


1. How tightly do you cling to or idealize a certain model of education?

A number of people choose alternatives to public school because they’ve found a method or model they like better. Maybe it’s classical education or Montessori or Charlotte Mason. There are many dozens of educational models out there. If your heart is really attached to one of these or a blend of these, even if it’s maybe not working out so well in practice, you might be frustrated by public school. 

Sure, you may see elements of all sorts of methodologies in public school depending on your particular community, the age of your child, the teacher, etc. But you’re probably not going to find a public school that adheres to your ideal, whatever that may be. Can you let go of that? Does the mere thought of your child learning in any other way than the Classical Model, for example, give you heart palpitations? If so, public school may not be for you. You’ll be frustrated, to say the least. You’ll look at everything your child does or doesn’t do and compare it to the tenets of your model. It will inevitably fall short and look very different. If you can’t cope with that, save yourself the angst and choose something you can better embrace. Or take a hard look at your motivations and see if perhaps your ideal has actually become an idol. 


2. How well are you able to submit to others in authority over your children?

It may seem like a silly question but I’m actually quite serious. You are obviously the primary and most important authority figure in your child’s life; this is your God-given privilege and responsibility. As children gradually become older, they are also accountable to individuals and institutions who help us teach and govern them. To a certain extent this is a partnership between you, the parent, and other authority figures. And when authorities collide, sometimes this gets complicated.

Do you feel the need to defend or explain when someone doesn’t have the whole story about a situation, big or small, in which your child is involved? Can you submit to various protocols even if they seem ridiculous and unnecessary? Would you be able to live with a grade your child receives that you feel is unfair? Are you a “helicopter parent?” 

How would you naturally handle a situation in which your child gets in trouble for something that’s technically against the rules but that “everyone else” is also getting away with? I’m not talking about big, bad, ugly infractions. I’m talking about bermuda shorts that are half an inch above the dress code standard or eating an Altoid in class or leaving a book in one’s locker, “minor” things like this that are, technically, still a violation of stated rules. 

How difficult would it be for you if your child sat in a class for a whole year with a teacher whose methods, style, or personality was an affront to you and / or your child?

Do you see where I’m going with this? If your face turns splotchy and you get a crazy rash on your neck just imagining these situations, well, that’s something to consider. You will encounter all of these realities in one form or another. Probably not all the time or even all that frequently. Can you deal? Can you put on your introspective cap and confront some attitudes that may be off-kilter? 

I am not talking about wholesale oppression of our kids here. I’m not granting you permission to throw your kid under the bus for the sake of submission to authority. There are times when you’ll encounter a battle worth fighting. My kids are all still rather young and I wouldn’t ever allow them to face a gross injustice. But a little injustice can be a powerful lesson. Constant reminders to submit and respect, even toward those who don’t always earn or deserve it, can be an even greater lesson.


3. Your lifestyle & vocational calling. 

This point is a big lengthy but that’s because it’s so significant and personal. Over the years I’ve observed that lifestyle and family schedules, dictated by vocation and other circumstances, are often taken for granted when families consider schooling options. 

For several years my sister and brother-in-law served as “parents” for at-risk teenage boys. They worked for a faith-based non-profit alongside other amazing families, most of them also raising their own biological children. These families modeled a healthy home life and trained these boys in everything from manual labor to success in school to handling conflict. 

Their full-time job was parenting. Twenty-four / seven they parented their own kids and parented other kids. When the  boys came home from school, it was busy until bedtime. Matt and Emily helped with homework, picked them up from practices, attended parent / teacher conferences, dealt with discipline issues, and supervised every inch of these boys’ lives. 

Now, imagine if they had sent their own children to public school while the older boys were also in school. Matt and Emily would have enjoyed little to no time with their own kids. And so my dear sister, who never saw herself homeschooling, chose to homeschool. Not because she thought it was ideal or wonderful, but because it was the best option for them as a family due to the particulars of their vocation. 

The other house parents they worked with chose the same route for largely the same reasons. 

I know of families who are vocational farmers and this is an all-encompassing endeavor for the entire family. I know of families in remote rural areas whose children would have to get on the bus while it’s still dark in the morning and who wouldn’t get off that same bus until 5 pm or later.  Public school may not be compatible with the calling and lifestyle of the families. Thank the Lord for options. I hope we continue to live in a land that allows parents the freedom to live and educate in a way that promotes healthy, diverse families and livelihoods. 

By the way, this same sister and brother-in-law of mine now live about thirty minutes from me and they’re doing different work. Called to live among those they have always had a heart to befriend and serve, they recently bought a home in an urban, rather impoverished area. There are small pockets of revitalization and large swaths of marginalization. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of the diversity that is their “normal.” Matt and Emily’s white kids, my nieces and nephew, are way in the minority at their neighborhood public school.

That’s right. The same sister who homeschooled her kids because it was most compatible with their former vocational calling now sends her kids to public schools for the same reason. They moved into this community for a reason, to live shalom and hold out hope. They want to serve by living among those who need a bit of goodwill. Or even a boatload of it. Their meet-the-teacher night required a translator because there were so many non-English-speaking parents. And the administration is already recruiting my sister to serve on the PTO. My brother-in-law is volunteering for much-needed male initiatives and to serve as a school “watchdog.”

Most lifestyle considerations aren’t as extreme as the ones I’ve mentioned. I’m simply trying to make the point that you have to consider everything from work schedules to kids’ extracurricular endeavors. There’s a reason that kids like Olympic gymnasts, child actors, and Taylor Swift don’t often choose public school. They don’t have the time. Their pursuits require an academic efficiency that public school doesn’t provide. 

Perhaps your family life requires an efficiency that public school can’t accommodate or your spouse works crazy hours and would never see the kids. For several years my husband was often gone three nights a week because of work. I wish we had tossed these scheduling realities into the mix with our school considerations and appreciated these real-life variables. Sometimes our ideals can squash our common sense. 

It’s easy to make decisions in isolation. As families, however, one decision affects something or someone else. All of our decisions, our yes’s and our no’s, work together and create a natural cause and effect. Consider your family’s particular lifestyle as you make decisions about school.


4. Your goals and their gifts. 

Do you have more of an apprenticeship approach to education? Is it really important to you or to some of your children to have lots of time to pursue individual passions?  Is it important to heavily and explicitly impart your faith into all the subjects your kids are learning?

I’m not going to provide possible answers for all of these because I can’t. Depending on your public school, “apprenticeship” may or may not be possible. If your kid is a computer genius and he’s building motherboards in your garage into the wee hours of the morning, make sure he’s got time to really pursue this. Your school may provide awesome opportunities to further this passion, like Bill Gates’s school when he was a kid. Or it may not provide any. But if your child has a gift that might change the world, consider whether your schooling option is helping or hurting him. Most of us aren’t raising prodigies but if you are, make sure school isn’t getting in the way of his or her education.

Regarding faith, I’ve actually become more intentional since my kids have been in public school. I think I feel more pressure to make the most of our opportunities to dialogue. But I’ll be completely honest, there are not enough hours in the day to reinterpret everything your child learns in public school through the lens of faith. If this is a must for you, you’ll be very frustrated. 

As our kids get older, I want them to know that sacred vs. secular is really a false dichotomy. We believe that it’s all sacred, that our creative God’s imprint is stamped on every part of the universe, that his orderliness is revealed in math, that He has given us his Word in order for us to know him; therefore words and language are a divine and good gift, worthy of understanding and mastery. 

But am I breaking down every science lesson they have and reteaching it from a Bible worldview? Um, no. We give them guiding principles and we encourage a lot of dialogue about their day and what they’re learning. 

We engage with it as best we can, given the time we have. It’s not perfect. But if this more general approach is not enough faith-based learning for you, public school may not be a good fit.


5. Your kids.

This one point could obviously be a book, right? We are not robots; we are human beings. There is no one-size-fits-all education. That means we sometimes have to try on different “outfits” until we find what works for all of us, kids and parents. 

If all of your children are pretty “typical,” if they’re able to learn and get it and succeed in a regular school setting, that’s awesome. And if these are your kids, perhaps it’s easy to be less than open to others with kids for whom public school is simply not working. 

I have one who breezes through school, one who has needed accommodations, and one who seems to be right in the middle. I have two nieces with Down Syndrome. I have plenty of friends who have children with learning disabilities and other challenges. I got an e-mail just this morning from a loved one updating me on their family. Public school has been a huge struggle for their sweet, bright child. Right now they’re doing an on-line public school program while they search for answers and options.

There is no shame in accepting that the “norm” isn’t working for your kid. And there’s no shame in accepting that your ideal {like homeschooling was for me} isn’t working and so you’re forced to enter into the norm that you hadn’t planned on. Sometimes there is just a lot of “trying on” in the process. 

And this doesn’t only deal with academic issues; the spiritual and emotional piece is even more important. Certain schools and certain situations and certain peers can be really negative triggers for certain kids. There’s not always a way to predict this but we must respond when the deep waters of our child’s spirit are in dangerous turmoil. Each circumstance is different but public school {or any type of school} is never more important than the physical, emotional, and spiritual health of our kids.  

In light of all of this, have grace for yourself as a parent. Lavish grace upon your beautiful and unique children. Extend grace to your friends and neighbors who are trying on options that are different from your own. Trust God to lead each of us as we seek to understand how He’s uniquely designed our children and our families. 


6. How are you with a mandated schedule?

I won’t lie. A huge appeal for me with homeschooling was not having to rush around and say cuss words and pack lunches and find a missing Nike at 7:30 in the morning. During my first year of homeschooling I had a 6 year old, a 4 year old, and a baby born that November. 

Even with a new baby, especially with a new baby, homeschooling was a glorious thing where our schedule was concerned. I didn’t have to wake a kid or baby from a nap in order to get kids to or from school. I didn’t have to function or drive in my sleep-deprived state unless we absolutely had to go somewhere. 

We took vacations when we wanted, took field trips when we wanted, and slept in when we wanted. As my kids got older, I was more strict about starting at a set time but when they were all little, the schedule was rather leisurely. After all of those years in college, grad school, and teaching, I enjoyed the “rest” of a more relaxed schedule. 

Sometimes I miss the flexibility we enjoyed. My friend in Seattle just told me that their public schools have early dismissals on Wednesdays at noon and a delayed start one morning a week. So now I want to move to Seattle. Sometimes my kids miss the flexibility too. 

Every option has trade-offs but we try not to define our current school option by what we’re missing. Instead, we try to define it by its overall fruitfulness for our family.

Still, the schedule thing is a big deal. If you tend to buck the system regarding calendars and times, you need to know that about yourself and proceed accordingly.


7. Your kids will be exposed to more of the “world?” How do you feel about this?

We all have different levels of “worldliness” that we can live with. There are things that violate your conscience but not mine and vice versa. 

I don’t have an easy answer here. 

Public school means that my kids are “in the world” in a more intense way than they were. This reality sort of breaks my heart and inspires me at the same time. There are conversations we’ve had to have earlier than I’d wanted to. At the same time, there is a lot of unsavory stuff my kids learned early on…when we homeschooled. You’d have to live under a rock in the desert to keep your kids totally “safe.” If you’re going to live in community–with extended family, with neighbors, with friends–your kids will hear and see and know things.

If they’re in public school, they may simply hear and see and know more of it. Yes, they may become more numb and callous toward sin. Yes, they may be tempted to try on certain words or attitudes or behaviors for themselves. And yes, these possibilities can smother me under a blanket of fear sometimes.

I have a dear friend whose children are now grown. They did a combination of homeschool, private school, and public school over the years. She’s good and wise to remind me that the evil is not out there; it’s in here. In here meaning that it’s in us, it’s in our kids, it resides in our hearts. When we externalize and regionalize evil, when we assign it to one place and not another place, we make ourselves incredibly vulnerable. We can become less vigilant but more condescending, less concerned about our hearts {and our childrens’ hearts} but more self-righteous. Let us not forget that the religious, law-abiding Pharisees were the real antagonists of Christ while the thieving, lawless, repentant sinner dying beside Him on the cross was the one who joined Jesus in paradise. 

Wherever our kids go to school, we must turn away from recognizing that the issue is the heart.

Instead of seeing public school as a place that promotes the world, I’ve decided to see it as place to practice our faith. Every day, we practice. And practice is preparation for how to be in this world but not of this world. I know that they’re going to get it wrong. And I also know that my response is going to be wrong. 

Because children and teens are so much in formation, so vulnerable and impressionable, it’s scary to plop them down “unattended.” But here’s what I’m learning. They’re not alone. Most importantly, God is with them. But they also have teachers who care and kind friends to join them. They’re subject to rules that help protect their environment, their bodies, their time, and their learning. 

It is not perfect. No system is perfect. But contrary to some belief, public school is not mob rule and marijuana smoke snaking its ways down the hallways and into our children’s lungs. Are there extremes? Yes. Are there news stories that make me want to live in a bunker? Absolutely. There are healthy fears, to be sure. But fear should not motivate our parenting. This job is monumental and we must draw from a well that is deeper and truer and more life-giving.

We can view challenging situations with peers as opportunities to pursue relationship restoration or, in some case, to know how to recognize a “fool” and to run. Fast. 

We can see frustrations with teachers as opportunities to practice submission, respect, and grace. And sometimes, in extreme situations, our children need to see that we totally have their backs and we will not allow certain lines to be crossed.

Every situation is a sacred opportunity, a springboard to reinterpret real life in the real world through the filter of our faith. 

Sometimes we hear horror stories and adopt reactionary attitudes that are fatalistic and reductionistic. But you must see for yourself and not swallow someone else’s propaganda or platform because it strikes a chord. 

We have to keep engaging our kids’ hearts and our kids’ communities, no matter what schooling road we choose. 

If God, through adverse circumstances or his Word or the leading of his Spirit, is calling you to a schooling option that scares you half to death, run from the fear and into his gentle and humble heart. Take his yoke upon you and rest.


8. Are you still prepared to homeschool? Because even if you send your kids to public school, you still “homeschool.”

The complaints and conflict and circumstances your kids bring home from school each day? They’re “educational opportunities.” See all of that stuff above about engaging their hearts and putting everything through the filter of our faith. This is what homeschool really is. You are teaching them at home, in the minivan, when you tuck them in at night, around the dinner table, and when they get in a fight on the basketball court. This is modern-day Deuteronomy 6:6-7. 

And that’s not all. You’ll help with homework. You may proofread a writing assignment that has to do with a sweatshop factory collapse in Burma. And then you may spend the next 30 minutes talking about all the ways we view labor and all the irresponsible culprits and how does this affect us as Americans. This is homeschool too. 

Sometimes I struggle to believe this, but we, as parents, are still the greatest influence on our children. If we abandon them, we influence. And if we show up, we influence. How much more do we influence when we can do more than just show up? 

Last night my daughter and I had a 30 minute ride home in the van, just the two of us. I was weary. She was weary. Several unplanned inconveniences had presented themselves throughout the day. I was unhappy with a certain attitude being displayed. But I’m writing this series and it is the best sort of accountability for me. I’m writing this for whoever wants to read it but you have to know that I’m writing it for me too. I need to know these realities. I need to be confronted and comforted by these truths. I need my own words to remind me how to live out my faith, crazy as that may sound. 

And so we talked. Well, first we got a chocolate milkshake and then we talked. Amid the venting and the tears, we covered everything from issues of respect to issues of compassion to issues of time management. This too is homeschool. 

But do you see? It’s not really homeschool or public school or private school that defines us or our kids or determines their future. I just used three separate situations and referred to them as “homeschool” but even that’s not really an accurate reduction. 

This is simply parenting. 

I had two more points to write. Originally this was going to be 10 Things to Consider if You’re Thinking About Public School. But this post is already too long and I feel like each of these points could have been its own separate post. 

There are so many more considerations than these eight, just like there were so many more considerations in a similar post I did about homeschool. 

I couldn’t have learned any of this without experience. And much of what you’ll learn will also come through experience. But if I’ve helped to “prime the pump” in your own mind and heart, if I’ve shed a bit of light and testimony here and there, I hope it’s fruitful and helpful. I hope that it leaves you with inspiration and freedom instead of guilt and duty. 

It’s all grace, my friends. Truly it is.