– a bath or shower
– a short nap
– exercise
– music
– clearing off all surfaces
– getting dressed + a little makeup, even if I’m not going anywhere
– a tiny latte
– meditating on truth & beauty

For someone who lives in her head most of the time, it’s no surprise that all but one of my resets engage the senses. They pull me into real time and real space, grounding me in my own body. (Super important for daydreamy, overthinking types like me.)

How do you reset?

……….

This post is part of a series on Instagram, #OneDayMay, hosted by @laura.tremaine.

Prioritizing emotional regulation for the sake of my relationships.

It’s a weird thing to be proud of, right? The truth is, I’m not naturally steady. I’m anxious. An over-thinker. An over-feeler. I’m reactive instead of responsive.

These characteristics do not lend themselves to emotional regulation, nor are they helpful in relationships, particularly as a spouse and parent.

In my earlier years as a mother, I snapped a lot. Yelling and harsh words were commonplace. Instead of responding with self-control when the kids caused me stress, I reacted out of anger and not being in control. I felt powerless to change.

But I have changed, over time. I haven’t “arrived,” not by a long shot, but I no longer feel powerless. I can’t pinpoint a moment when it began. I don’t have a program, book, or guru. There are only 4 simple things I can tell you:

1. I began to put myself in the position of the other person. Would I want to be talked to this way? Am I treating this person with respect and kindness? What do they need from me right now?

2. I began practicing being responsive instead of reactive. The brain is adaptive. If you’re used to snapping, your brain’s neural pathways are trained to snap because it takes the path of least resistance. But the more you practice not snapping, the easier it gets. You create new neural pathways. It’s kind of a miracle.

3. I began paying attention to what makes me emotionally dysregulated: letting my blood sugar get low, too much caffeine, sugar (Why, Lord? 😫), having too many responsibilities at once.

4. I began paying attention to things that fostered emotional regulation: moving my body, rest, avoiding unnecessary stress, staying connected to God through his Word and prayer.

As a Christian, I believe these everyday practices are God’s grace in my life. But I also believe that paying attention and cultivating change are available to all of us.

Though I am an open person, this post feels uncomfortable because I want to be seen as a picture of serenity. But I also know I’m not alone, and this feels like a good opportunity to extend hope to someone who needs it.❤️

……….

This post is part of a series on Instagram, #OneDayMay, hosted by @laura.tremaine.

This is just one of 6 bookcases in my home. It’s a “situation” and I blame my enneagram 5 wing for being an information-hoarder. Also, I’m trained as a historian; we tend to hold onto words since the historical record depends on it. #excuses

Right now, I’m slowly working my way through The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves by Curt Thompson, M.D. It’s powerful and very layered, but not a quick read.

I find that when life is extra busy, as it’s been the last 6 weeks with both work and family, my brain struggles with reading that requires deep focus and reflection. So I had to set this one aside for a while and I’m picking it back up.

Two books I’ve recently read and loved:
• Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First. by Laura Tremaine.
• Will the Circle Be Unbroken? A Memoir of Learning to Believe You’re Gonna Be Okay by Sean Dietrich. I listened to the audible of this and his narration is an experience in its own right.
• ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for both of these books!

Though not a book, I’m re-reading four articles that Dr. Timothy Keller wrote during the course of 2020 that deal with social justice. They are lengthy, thorough, nuanced, and have been incredibly helpful as I seek to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself. (Mark 12:30-31)

Wherever you are on the political spectrum, if you’re looking for something that confirms your own bias, you probably won’t find it in these essays. The truth is, Biblical justice doesn’t fit neatly into any of the finite socio-political categories we’ve created.

I reformatted the articles for printing and put them in a binder for easy reading and note-taking. The articles are:

• The Bible & Race
• The Sin of Racism
• A Biblical Critique of Secular Justice and Critical Theory (This one is extra helpful & probably not what you think from the title.)
• Justice in the Bible

Go to quarterly.gospelinlife.com. Scroll down and you’ll see the Race & Justice Series. I put a link in my profile. I also recommend his book that came out in 2012, Generous Justice: How God’s Grace Makes Us Just.

What are you reading? 📚

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This post is part of a series on Instagram, #OneDayMay, hosted by @laura.tremaine.

 Let me introduce you to my sometimes breakfast smoothie. I say “sometimes” because I am lazy and don’t always feel like pulling out the ingredients or washing a blender. But I never regret having one of these. This smoothie fills me up and it’s made with ingredients that stabilize my blood sugar for hours.

But first, let me tell you about my blender, Montel. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Montel Williams Healthmaster, made famous on infomercials of yesteryear and purchased by my dear father-in-law, who has a long history of buying items you can only get on television.

Montel languished in one of their cabinets for quite some time and finally found its way to our family many years ago. Do I long for a Vitamix or Blendtec? Of course I do. After all, Montel is the size of a toddler and sounds like a fighter plane. (As in, “Everyone, cover your ears! I’m about to blend!”) But Montel gets the job done and until the Lord calls him home, he makes my smoothies.

Anyhoo, the smoothie usually consists of the following:

• non-dairy milk
• kale or spinach (I personally do not think you can taste it, thanks to all the peanut butter and banana.😉)
• 1-2 scoops of collagen peptides. (I’m not a fan of traditional protein powders as they can be hard on your digestive system and are pretty unnecessary unless you’re a serious athlete.)
• healthy serving of PB or any nut butter
• little bit of cocoa powder if you want a chocolatey flavor
• sprinkle of chia seeds
• frozen banana (about a whole banana, sliced)
• little bit of ice if you like it extra cold and thick

I don’t measure. Just play around with it until you get a smoothie that tastes good to you. I personally want a smoothie that tastes as close to a milkshake as possible and to me, this peanut butter + banana + chocolate blended beverage really does.

Enjoy!

Love,
Marian & Montel

P.S. Not a food blogger, obvs. Drank a fourth of my smoothie before I remembered to take a picture of it. 🙄😂🤷🏻‍♀️

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This post is part of a series on Instagram, #OneDayMay, hosted by @laura.tremaine.

Mondays look like…

•rain
•a cancelled golf meet
•barre class
•hand-written notes
•rubber Birkenstocks + joggers
•washed sheets
•Pasta Monday
•asking my 17-year-old “too many questions”
•excessive 7th grade math homework
•turning parenting tips into text messages (I’m a communications director.)
•phone calls
•realizing we’re out of toilet paper, even though I just got groceries

What does your Monday look like?

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This post is part of a series on Instagram, #OneDayMay, hosted by @laura.tremaine.

Celebrate.

May has always been my favorite month of the year. Growing up, May meant the end of school and the anticipation of summer + my birthday, which often landed on Memorial Day weekend, making it feel extra celebratory.

Now that I’m a very grown woman with a family of my own, May can feel like way too much. Instead of celebration, May can feel heavy with obligation. But after the year we’ve all had, I’m desperately craving the childlike joy of Mays gone by.

May holds much that is worthy of joy: Mother’s Day, one of my dearest friend’s milestone birthdays, an end-of-season celebration, prom, the anticipation of summer and all that a new season will bring. It doesn’t mean there won’t be tasks galore and moments of stress. But each season extends an invitation to receive or to resent.

This month, I will receive May—month of joy and gateway to summer—with a spirit of childlike celebration.💝

……….

P.S. This is a selfie from a few weeks ago. What you can’t see is the book I’m reading—Share Your Stuff: I’ll Go First by @laura.tremaine. I adore Laura and she’s hosting a challenge on Instagram during the month of May so that we can all share our stuff. I’ll share mine. You can share yours. Why? Because sharing our stuff matters for connection—online or off. Laura’s writing prompts have been my favorites the last couple of years and I hope to join in on IG as many days as I can.

Anyway, the May 1 prompt was: Start with a Selfie. So here you go. A day late. (Totally on brand.)

Join us with the hashtag #OneDayMay and find Laura’s prompts @10ThingsToTellYou.

Today I sit with my morning latte, sipping it slowly at 9:30 while dirty dishes teeter and soiled laundry languishes until later. Dinner will be whatever one can find.

I decided last night that half of today I would rest. I would not exercise and I would not get things done. My phone’s “do not disturb” setting is on and my ringer is off.

This season has been bursting at the seams with tasks and busy-ness. And while much of it has been good, it’s felt as if the “un-cancellations” of the pandemic + our typical spring schedule have conspired to wear me slap out.

Note: they have succeeded.

This rare moment of stillness gently takes my chin in its hands and asks, “How do you feel?” I answer without hesitation, “Like I cannot move.”

Why am I telling you this? Because I know I’m not the only one. We live in a culture that does not honor limits, that considers busy-ness a badge of honor, that worships productivity as a sacred virtue.

I’ve been studying the book of Genesis this year and in one of the first few weeks I learned something I haven’t been able to stop thinking about: Rest is what set God’s people apart. They were to be known by others as a people of rest.

Note: this is not how we are currently known.

In her book, Rhythms of Rest, the late Shelly Miller wrote that “the day God chose to rest is the first time he names something holy.”

Yet here I am on an April Monday, trying hard to shake off the guilt for receiving something God has called holy.

If you need someone tell you it’s okay to press pause, to take a nap instead of doing the dishes, to say no to a good thing because you are at capacity, to spend cash for a sitter so you can sit outside with an iced coffee and stare at the sky, to take a day or three off so you can get your wits about you—consider this post your permission slip.

Sabbath has to show up differently for each of us depending on the season and our vocation, but no one can force you to take it. Only you can accept the gift of rest for yourself. And if it’s a gift you need like I do, receive without guilt, knowing it is both good and holy.

These are the days of real life being real full. I missed last Sunday evening’s weekly retrospective in stories. And I’ll miss today’s too.

Instead, I submit this photo, which I texted to my husband (and had no intention of sharing with the world, but here we are.) It’s from my seat at a coffee shop where I worked from 3-8 today. My to-do list is happy (though still very unfinished.) My back, however, is not.👵🏼

These are the days of working weird hours in weird places. Because these are also the days that require much tending to hearts and home. As it turns out, none of these jobs are 9-5 and I have given up on any semblance of schedule. ☕️🏡❤️

These are the days of squinting behind thrifted turquoise readers in a higher prescription and always opting for sensible shoes. 🤓

These are the days of kitchen counters and coffee tables scattered with March Madness brackets and golf score cards, plastic tees and empty Gatorade bottles.🏌🏼‍♂️

These are the days of counting off calendar squares—desperate for spring break and hopeful for rest. ☀️

These are the days of remembering that I am not called to an extraordinary life. I am simply called to be faithful and true in beautifully ordinary ways, right where I am. 🌎

I haven’t always known this or lived it. But I can tell you with hard-won certainty that peace begets peace as season after season, I practice receiving my right-now life—even as I wait with hope for certain circumstances to be different or less or more. 💝

Wherever you are at the start of a new week, may you have grace to trust God’s timing and provision for all things. And may trust give way to peace, as you relax your grip, give up your (illusion of) control, and reject your limited view of how life should go. May you receive—with palms up and chin tilted toward the sky—the grace and unexpected gifts that come from a posture of surrender and childlike trust. ❤️

P.S. “These are the days” Sunday evening posts, usually on my IG stories, are a weekly practice inspired by @emilypfreeman and the Next Right Thing Journal (which I love and recommend. 😉)

A natural-born skeptic, I spent a long season of my life searching hard for God, daring him to prove his existence in real and tangible ways that my intellect and senses could receive.

Though skepticism may always be a thorn in my flesh, God did show up in the ways I needed, even if they weren’t the ways I expected. He still does.

Instead of proof-texts and desert flames, he sent ordinary people who embodied the heartbeat and service of Christ.

Regular folks who showed up to love us and feed us, to care for our children, to anonymously cover expenses, to listen long, to draw water and let us drink in their counsel, hard-won from their own desert places and barren seasons. Loving community to love us and help us as we were, even if we never became who we hoped to be.

Less like buttoned-up experts telling us how to straighten up and fly right. More like “beggars telling others beggars where to find bread.”

Our needs may look different now, at least for the moment, our life more stable than earlier times of acute crisis and uncertainty. But God continues to reveal that he is there and he is not silent.

I’ve quit pining after air-tight apologetics because he keeps showing up in my life and in the lives of those around me in ways that you simply couldn’t script—always personal and unexpected, like the last batter of the underdog team sliding into home base.

Less like pillars of fire and smoke. More like a dusty victory cloud of Carolina dirt.

If you’ve been squinting toward the horizon or gazing up at ivory towers, desperate for evidence of God from lofty people and places, might I encourage you to look a little closer to home?

Jesus himself, God made flesh, might already be there—loving you through ordinary people, leading you with everyday guidance, sustaining you with daily grace. Against all odds. ❤️

……….

*The graphic quote is inspired from p.73 in The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe about Ourselves by @curtthompsonmd
*Beggar quote attributed to Martin Luther

☀️ Spring has officially sprung (it got up to 79 this week) and she is spectacular. I for one have thrown open the heavy, dusty drapes of the last 12 months and begged her to own the stage. To take up all the space. To prance around uninhibited and dazzle us with her audacious glory.

⛳️ High school golf season is here and seeing both of my boys, 11th grade and 7th grade, in matching uniforms just made me feel all the things. I love watching them play and I continue to thank the Lord for a sport that features babbling brooks and sunsets.

📚 I’m still slowly working my way through The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Tell Ourselves by Curt Thompson, M.D. It’s not a book to speed read and I’m in no rush.

I also began the Red Rising series by Pierce Brown because my 17 year old begged me to. Real talk: this genre is not usually my thing. (YA, dystopian, mankind colonizing other planets.) But as a very girly-girl kind of mom 😬, I’m always looking for ways to bond with my teenage boys and that usually means shows and stories and food. THEN, I just happened to be watching an IG story from the @thelazygenius and she mentioned this book as one of her all-time favorites. I took that as a sign and jumped all the way in. Will report back.

📺 So, who else watched Oprah interview Harry end Meghan? Y’all. 🤭 They spilled so much tea and I was transfixed. I don’t have any conclusive thoughts other than this: I’m glad they are living their own lives and I am cheering them on.

Also, if you could pick the next person for Oprah to interview, who would it be? I’ll go first. Beth Moore. I think my heart would actually explode. 💗 @oprah and @bethmoorelpm , are you in?

💕 Currently loving: all the @oliveandjune things and painting my nails once a week, sandals, @rxbar bar minis to keep in my purse, smoothies for breakfast (I can’t bring myself to drink them in the winter🤷🏻‍♀️), @bublywater bounce (has 35mg of caffeine), working on the screen porch, daily talks and texts with my college girl, how much my boys make me laugh.

Thank you @kimberlyacoyle for the invite to share my #windowonntheweek.