⛳️ Four out of my last 6 days were spent on a golf course. I’ve stayed in two different hotels and burned up the interstate. Helping a child chase a dream is equal parts exhilarating and exhausting. I keep trying to emotionally disconnect from the highs and lows of it all but to no avail. I suspect this is simply a cross we bear as mothers.

🍝 After being gone much of the week, I decided I couldn’t eat one more bite of fast food or takeout. I drove to Publix last night and got the ingredients for spaghetti with meat sauce, a good salad, a loaf of Tuscan bread, and a bottle of red. Because I believe there’s not a single thing pasta can’t help fix.

🏃🏻‍♀️ We’ve been watching the Olympic trials and we are SO PUMPED. My husband and I are lifelong runners and he ran the steeplechase in college. We told our youngest that when we were in college, they didn’t let women do the steeplechase or pole vault. And just like that, I felt 85 years old. (Also, just another example of how the world has continually underestimated the strength of women.💪)

📚 I’m reading Pat Conroy’s South of Broad but took a break this week to listen to The Fortunate Ones by Ed Tarkington while on the road. I’m not quite finished but I’ve really enjoyed it. It’s an @anniebjones05 recommendation and she never steers me wrong.

🍦 Pro tip for enjoying ice cream this summer but not eating the whole pint. Buy the baby size Ben and Jerry’s or Haagen Dazs. They are $1.49, a small price to pay for instant moderation.

🐶 Guys, if it’s not the kids it’s the dog. Our beloved Jetta had surgery a week ago. She somehow got into the stitches, cone and all, and we had to have her sedated yesterday and restitched. Also, she has bled all over our living room furniture. Does she not realize we are paying college tuition? #whylord (Let it be known that my husband, the one who was against getting a dog 9 years ago, is the one who has taken her to all the appointments AND tended to her like an actual baby.😂)

Thank you @kimberlyacoyle for the #windowontheweek invitation (via Instagram.)

I just finished a two-day virtual conference with people from across the country, all of us community workers in some way. Yesterday the convener of our group, a highly educated and esteemed Black man at Harvard, began by sharing a picture of a slave family taken shortly before emancipation. “They could never have imagined an interracial conference 150 years later where people from all backgrounds would be discussing ways to live out the unfulfilled dreams of earlier generations.”

He told the story of his great-great grandfather, a man who had found success against all odds and who they strongly suspect was lynched as a result, leaving behind a grieving wife and children.

He then concluded by reading a poem he wrote in 1975 that was inspired by the words and sentiments of his great-grandfather, then 94. The words rang with love instead of bitterness, perseverance instead of despair.

It took a minute for all of us professionals to gather ourselves after that. I saw tears streaming down the faces of my Black colleagues on the other side of the screen and “Glory!” written in the chat box.

The patriots of our colonial days justified revolution and the founders signed a Declaration of Independence because we were “slaves” of England. But England did not own the colonists’ actual bodies as chattel property. They did not sell human babies away from their mothers.

And so I ask us, how much more shall we celebrate the end of actual, literal slavery in our country?

To all of my Black brothers and sisters, I’m sorry that most of us, myself included, have been late to the commemoration of Juneteenth and to the work of equality, that we have celebrated our nation’s freedom with bunting and barbecues, all the while failing to acknowledge and dismantle the systems and stereotypes, power and prejudices still crushing our very own.

In the words of Desmond Tutu, “My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.”

On this historic Juneteenth, I can think of no better occasion than to commit or recommit to the sacred work of being human together. ❤️

Image: “The Harp” by sculptor Augustus Savage. This piece was was inspired by James Weldon Johnson’s song, “Lift Ev’ry Voice and Sing” and depicts 12 African Americans singing, held by the hand of God. It was commissioned for the 1939 World’s Fair. Due to lack of funds and storage after the fair closed, all of the art pieces were destroyed, including The Harp. 😭 Thanks to my friend, Dr. Keri Manning, for teaching me about this piece in her Facebook series last year on Black art.

Naming what matters.

It’s a Lazy Genius principle (@thelazygenius) and it helps me so much. When everything is important, nothing is important. We have to name what matters and that looks different for each one of us.

I know this. But lately it’s been hard for me to untangle what matters most from the things that can wait or even from the things that never need to matter.

We can’t be a rock star spouse, parent, soar in our career, keep a tidy home that’s styled the way we want, stay fit, eat healthy, cook, DIY, be spiritually disciplined, be involved in our community, serve as team parent, look cute, read to our kids, read for ourselves, care well for our extended families, remember all the birthdays, be informed about all the issues of the day, work toward necessary social change, help with homework, support our kids’ ambitions, put away money for everything, take trips of a lifetime, and make the memories…(comes up for air) all at the same time or even in the same life.

I know. You’re laughing. I’m laughing. Because when you see it in writing, it’s ridiculous. It would take an army to do all of those things, or at the very least The Proverbs 31 Woman. 😂

But all of these perceived “shoulds” can slowly move in and take up precious real estate in our brains. The Shoulds make us overcommit, multitask, and live without healthy boundaries. We stay stressed. We walk around feeling behind when it’s not a race, less-than when we’re enough, dissatisfied when we have all we truly need.

Receiving this season of my right-now life means pouring time, energy, and resources into my children, especially the one who will be a senior and has certain goals. It means saying no to good things I love because there are people I love more.

It means waiting. (And not being a brat about it.)

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or discontent—I invite you to take an honest look at this right-now season and name what matters. If you can’t, enlist a trusted person in your life to help. I’m doing it this weekend and I hope to come out on the other side with more acceptance and less angst. ❤️

How do you name what matters?

This post is part of a #OneDayMay series hosted by @laura.tremaine.

These are the days of real life being real full. I missed last Sunday evening’s weekly retrospective in stories. And I’ll miss today’s too.

Instead, I submit this photo, which I texted to my husband (and had no intention of sharing with the world, but here we are.) It’s from my seat at a coffee shop where I worked from 3-8 today. My to-do list is happy (though still very unfinished.) My back, however, is not.👵🏼

These are the days of working weird hours in weird places. Because these are also the days that require much tending to hearts and home. As it turns out, none of these jobs are 9-5 and I have given up on any semblance of schedule. ☕️🏡❤️

These are the days of squinting behind thrifted turquoise readers in a higher prescription and always opting for sensible shoes. 🤓

These are the days of kitchen counters and coffee tables scattered with March Madness brackets and golf score cards, plastic tees and empty Gatorade bottles.🏌🏼‍♂️

These are the days of counting off calendar squares—desperate for spring break and hopeful for rest. ☀️

These are the days of remembering that I am not called to an extraordinary life. I am simply called to be faithful and true in beautifully ordinary ways, right where I am. 🌎

I haven’t always known this or lived it. But I can tell you with hard-won certainty that peace begets peace as season after season, I practice receiving my right-now life—even as I wait with hope for certain circumstances to be different or less or more. 💝

Wherever you are at the start of a new week, may you have grace to trust God’s timing and provision for all things. And may trust give way to peace, as you relax your grip, give up your (illusion of) control, and reject your limited view of how life should go. May you receive—with palms up and chin tilted toward the sky—the grace and unexpected gifts that come from a posture of surrender and childlike trust. ❤️

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“These are the days” Sunday evening posts, usually on my IG stories, are a weekly practice inspired by @emilypfreeman and The Next Right Thing Guided Journal (which I love and recommend. 😉)

Life allows for a bit more creative space.

It’s who I am. Creativity—in an eclectic array of hues and mediums—makes me feel most like myself.

So I find myself laughing a lot, because at this particular point in time, my canvas is bathed with shades of calendar-keeping, kitchen-managing and all things teenagers. (It’s a moody piece. 😉)

But I need you to know that my right-now life is its own work of art—dreams fulfilled, answered prayers, a wild cast of characters. It’s a real life in technicolor (with a splash of reheated coffee and neon post-its.)

I already know I’ll look back on this colorful season with longing, so I hope you don’t hear me wishing it away. But it’s hard to live well in the tension, isn’t it? To wait with patience for a more spacious place, even as you treasure the here and now in all of its busy, messy, precious, complicated glory?

If you’re looking for answers or a tidy benediction, I don’t have one. I only know that the mundane tasks—the carpooling, the peanut butter spreading, the unplanned opportunities to listen—they’re the everyday brushstrokes that make a life. The everyday brushstrokes that *give* life.

These are sacred days. And this is sacred work.

Maybe your current season doesn’t exactly sparkle with the studio space, the renovated home, the cookbook, or the published collection of essays you’d imagined. But if art is communication, expression, beauty—I have a feeling you’re creating the most lovely, one-of-a-kind piece right where you are. And that I am too. Even on the days when it feels like we’re in survival mode, eating chicken nuggets instead of risotto.

Keep receiving the beauty of your right-now life, even as you wait with hope. ❤️

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This post is part of a series on Instagram, #OneDayMay, hosted by @laura.tremaine.

To stop multitasking.

To let go of unnecessary stress and perfectionism.

To rest when I’m tired.

To move and get blood flowing when I’m stressed.

To do my dumb back exercises because they really do help. 🙄

That it’s okay to only do exercise that I enjoy.

To keep wearing shorts in the summer even though I am too old for shorts because it is so hot here and comfort matters.

That it’s a privilege to grow old. An incredible privilege actually. Age isn’t something to defy. It’s a gift to receive.

What is your body telling you?

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This post is part of a series on Instagram, #OneDayMay, hosted by @laura.tremaine.

That my kids love to come home and love one another.

That my husband and I have as much fun together as we did before kids.

That I can still run.

That I work for myself and that life allows me the space to write All The Words and think All The Thoughts and read All The Books.

That I’m loving my community in tangible ways.

That I’ll know I did all I could to receive and cherish this long and storied season of child-rearing and schedule-managing and sports-cheering and plate-spinning and laughing at any semblance of work / life balance.

That I’ll testify to answered prayers.

All of which begs the question: What can I do now to help cultivate these hoped-for realities? ❤️

What do you hope for in 10 years?

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This post is part of a series on Instagram, #OneDayMay, hosted by @laura.tremaine.

– a bath or shower
– a short nap
– exercise
– music
– clearing off all surfaces
– getting dressed + a little makeup, even if I’m not going anywhere
– a tiny latte
– meditating on truth & beauty

For someone who lives in her head most of the time, it’s no surprise that all but one of my resets engage the senses. They pull me into real time and real space, grounding me in my own body. (Super important for daydreamy, overthinking types like me.)

How do you reset?

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This post is part of a series on Instagram, #OneDayMay, hosted by @laura.tremaine.

Prioritizing emotional regulation for the sake of my relationships.

It’s a weird thing to be proud of, right? The truth is, I’m not naturally steady. I’m anxious. An over-thinker. An over-feeler. I’m reactive instead of responsive.

These characteristics do not lend themselves to emotional regulation, nor are they helpful in relationships, particularly as a spouse and parent.

In my earlier years as a mother, I snapped a lot. Yelling and harsh words were commonplace. Instead of responding with self-control when the kids caused me stress, I reacted out of anger and not being in control. I felt powerless to change.

But I have changed, over time. I haven’t “arrived,” not by a long shot, but I no longer feel powerless. I can’t pinpoint a moment when it began. I don’t have a program, book, or guru. There are only 4 simple things I can tell you:

1. I began to put myself in the position of the other person. Would I want to be talked to this way? Am I treating this person with respect and kindness? What do they need from me right now?

2. I began practicing being responsive instead of reactive. The brain is adaptive. If you’re used to snapping, your brain’s neural pathways are trained to snap because it takes the path of least resistance. But the more you practice not snapping, the easier it gets. You create new neural pathways. It’s kind of a miracle.

3. I began paying attention to what makes me emotionally dysregulated: letting my blood sugar get low, too much caffeine, sugar (Why, Lord? 😫), having too many responsibilities at once.

4. I began paying attention to things that fostered emotional regulation: moving my body, rest, avoiding unnecessary stress, staying connected to God through his Word and prayer.

As a Christian, I believe these everyday practices are God’s grace in my life. But I also believe that paying attention and cultivating change are available to all of us.

Though I am an open person, this post feels uncomfortable because I want to be seen as a picture of serenity. But I also know I’m not alone, and this feels like a good opportunity to extend hope to someone who needs it.❤️

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This post is part of a series on Instagram, #OneDayMay, hosted by @laura.tremaine.

This is just one of 6 bookcases in my home. It’s a “situation” and I blame my enneagram 5 wing for being an information-hoarder. Also, I’m trained as a historian; we tend to hold onto words since the historical record depends on it. #excuses

Right now, I’m slowly working my way through The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves by Curt Thompson, M.D. It’s powerful and very layered, but not a quick read.

I find that when life is extra busy, as it’s been the last 6 weeks with both work and family, my brain struggles with reading that requires deep focus and reflection. So I had to set this one aside for a while and I’m picking it back up.

Two books I’ve recently read and loved:
• Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First. by Laura Tremaine.
• Will the Circle Be Unbroken? A Memoir of Learning to Believe You’re Gonna Be Okay by Sean Dietrich. I listened to the audible of this and his narration is an experience in its own right.
• ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for both of these books!

Though not a book, I’m re-reading four articles that Dr. Timothy Keller wrote during the course of 2020 that deal with social justice. They are lengthy, thorough, nuanced, and have been incredibly helpful as I seek to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself. (Mark 12:30-31)

Wherever you are on the political spectrum, if you’re looking for something that confirms your own bias, you probably won’t find it in these essays. The truth is, Biblical justice doesn’t fit neatly into any of the finite socio-political categories we’ve created.

I reformatted the articles for printing and put them in a binder for easy reading and note-taking. The articles are:

• The Bible & Race
• The Sin of Racism
• A Biblical Critique of Secular Justice and Critical Theory (This one is extra helpful & probably not what you think from the title.)
• Justice in the Bible

Go to quarterly.gospelinlife.com. Scroll down and you’ll see the Race & Justice Series. I put a link in my profile. I also recommend his book that came out in 2012, Generous Justice: How God’s Grace Makes Us Just.

What are you reading? 📚

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This post is part of a series on Instagram, #OneDayMay, hosted by @laura.tremaine.